The following post originally appeared in the fantastic online zine, Recess, which you should definitely go read at http://www.recesstime.net.
When I was in high school, I found myself being inspired by two things - my English teacher and Saturday Night Live's Jack Handy. You see my English teacher, Ms. Allison, was big on self-expression, and along those lines, she inspired us to create a student-run journal, not unlike our beloved Recess.
As a recurring feature, I was to publish three nonsensical poems per issue, a la Jack Handy's Deep Thoughts, which used to be all the rage back in the day when Saturday Night Live was actually funny. I'm talking Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer, Church Lady, Wayne's World, Lothar of the Hill People, Dennis Miller doing Weekend Update back in the day here.
Alas, our student-run journal lasted only one issue, and thus left many of my brilliant musings undiscovered... until now. Like Geraldo delving into the depths to uncover the mysteries of Al Capone's vault, I cleaned out a couple of old boxes this weekend, and unlike Geraldo, actually found something in them - these old, unpublished high school poems.
So here goes. Three poems per issue, just like I promised way back in the day. In my own defense, I wrote these things over 10 years ago, so keep that in mind. Ok Ms. Allison... this one's for you!
Four Plus Six
Suicide Is Never the Answer
Ten Is the Answer
Sunset at Dawn
The mist rises from the ocean
As a breeze rolls by
Shaking the trees above
Making my genitals cold
Lincoln Logs
It's common knowledge that
If you pick up a penny
Heads up
You will have good luck
Not many people realize, however
If you pick up a penny
Tails up
A dog gets constipation
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