As you can see from my previous posts, I am a die-hard Olympics fan. I am literally killing myself with lack of sleep to try and catch as much Olympic coverage as humanly possible. My work is suffering, my health is suffering, my friendships are being put on hold, and for what? All to see some random folks I won't remember a week from now go for the gold. Worth it? Hell yeah.
But if I keep depriving myself of sleep, I know i'm just a couple days away from becoming Jessie Spano in that one episode of Saved By the Bell. You know the one -- where she's on speed to try to balance her school work with her budding singing career. I'm not saying i'm on drugs or anything, but I am *this close* to screaming "i'm so excited! i'm so excited! i'm so... scared."
And while I can pretty much enjoy watching competitors from any country in their goal to become the gold medal champions, I have a soft spot in my heart for the good ol' US of A. Yes, that's me sitting there mouthing the words to the Star Spangled Banner along with the American athletes. Sure, they happen to be on the medal podium, while I happen to be on my couch, but it's all the same, right?
That's what makes my reaction to the USA men's basketball team all the more perplexing. I am rooting for this team to lose. Badly. Not just a give it a good effort and just come up short type of loss. I'm talking about losing the way that team from Necessary Roughness lost before they added Kathy Ireland and the dude from Quantum Leap to the roster. I want them to get beat down. By some team that has 5' 2" outside shooters, swishing 3's in the face of LeBron James and Allen Iverson. Beat down like someone who makes fun of Bobby Bouchet's mama. I want them to cry.
Does this make me anti-American? I don't think so. I think it just makes me anti-spoiled athletes who think they can just waltz into the biggest sporting stage in the world and walk off with the gold medal. This is the Olympics, damn it. People give a shit about winning. People wait their entire lives for a chance to make history here. People care.
None of these people I have just described happen to have the words "USA" on their jersey. And that's the problem. I can't root for these guys. They aren't what the Olympics stand for. They don't dream about standing atop the podium with the olive wreaths on their heads while the national anthem plays. They just dream about what type of spinners they can cram on their new Escalades.
This is why I need this team to cry. To feel pain. To really understand how much these other teams want this, and why it's so important. And maybe then, and only then, will USA basketball come back and rule the international stage. When we start to care again. There's always 2008, right?
Tuesday, August 24, 2004
Tuesday, August 17, 2004
Street Hoops... the new Olympic Event
Beach volleyball. Why is this an Olympic sport? Don't get me wrong. It's currently in the Olympics, so I love it to death. But does anyone else think it's an odd fit here? I mean we already have indoor volleyball as an event. 6 on 6. Old school. A proven commodity. And then someone decided, hey, people are playing this on the beach! And there's just 2 on each team! Let's definitely make that an Olympic event!
If you think about it, it would be like someone watching a game of 3 on 3 halfcourt street hoops, and thinking, man, this is gold medal worthy! Which maybe isn't that bad an idea. We could bring those guys from the AND1 Mix Tape tour to Athens to represent the US of A. Just like in beach volleyball, the rules in street hoops would be slightly different.
First of all, you can travel, so long as it's done in an entertaining sort of way. Like if you're tossing the ball behind a dude's head back to yourself, just to make him look like the biggest loser alive, that's not travelling, that's just cool.
Second, everyone must have a nickname. This is non-negotiable. Indoor hoops can keep their lame Stephon Marburys and Carmelo Anthonys. We want Hot Sauce, The Professor, and The Main Event. You don't have a nickname? Go home. This ain't no place for you.
Lastly, one on one play is rewarded. None of this zone shit. Break your man's ankles, you get a point. Bounce a ball of someone's head, dance like MJ, and then no-look pass it for an alley-oop dunk? Now we're talking a 7 point combo. We'll score it like NBA Street. Shooting percentage can go to hell. This is about showmanship.
Hmmm... what was I saying about beach volleyball being lame? I stand corrected. Beach volleyball is only the beginning! Next up for the Olympics -- Air It Out flag football! Can someone get the IOC Preisdent for the 2008 Games on the phone? Thanks.
If you think about it, it would be like someone watching a game of 3 on 3 halfcourt street hoops, and thinking, man, this is gold medal worthy! Which maybe isn't that bad an idea. We could bring those guys from the AND1 Mix Tape tour to Athens to represent the US of A. Just like in beach volleyball, the rules in street hoops would be slightly different.
First of all, you can travel, so long as it's done in an entertaining sort of way. Like if you're tossing the ball behind a dude's head back to yourself, just to make him look like the biggest loser alive, that's not travelling, that's just cool.
Second, everyone must have a nickname. This is non-negotiable. Indoor hoops can keep their lame Stephon Marburys and Carmelo Anthonys. We want Hot Sauce, The Professor, and The Main Event. You don't have a nickname? Go home. This ain't no place for you.
Lastly, one on one play is rewarded. None of this zone shit. Break your man's ankles, you get a point. Bounce a ball of someone's head, dance like MJ, and then no-look pass it for an alley-oop dunk? Now we're talking a 7 point combo. We'll score it like NBA Street. Shooting percentage can go to hell. This is about showmanship.
Hmmm... what was I saying about beach volleyball being lame? I stand corrected. Beach volleyball is only the beginning! Next up for the Olympics -- Air It Out flag football! Can someone get the IOC Preisdent for the 2008 Games on the phone? Thanks.
Sunday, August 15, 2004
Let the games begin...
The games of the 28th Olympiad are here! I don't know what it is about the Olympics, but I can literally watch any sport so long as you call it an Olympic event. Just to give you an idea of the depth of my devotion, I spent my afternoon watching syncronized platform diving, swimming, and men's gymnastics and then capped off my night with beach volleyball, indoor volleyball, badminton, judo, sailing, cycling, more swimming, basketball, and rowing. Yes, I have a sickness. Don't worry... 16 days from now, it'll all be over.
I think part of the allure is the fact that the games only come around once every 4 years. It makes it feel special. Kind of like a McRib sandwich -- it's really not all that amazing, but when you can only get it once in a blue moon, you gotta stock up on it's fake rib shaped goodness while you can get it. That's how the Olympics are to me. I mean, if they came around every year, I couldn't care less about Modern Pentathalon and Archery, but i'll be damned if I'm not awake at 4am to see coverage of these two sports live.
My current favorite is team handball. It's an odd mix of basketball, field hockey, and something my sister and I made up when we were 7. The rules of the game -- grab a ball about the size of one of those grocery store bouncy balls that they keep in those big wire holding tanks, run around a court, if you run more than three steps, bounce the ball once, then take three more steps, repeat ad naseum before throwing the ball into a big goal. That's about all there is to it. The whole time I'm watching it, I just can't believe that this is a real sport. And that only makes me love it more. I love the fact that these jokers will get the exact same gold medal around their necks for playing this ridiculous game that Michael Phelps will have around his.
The Opening Ceremony is also a very special part of the Olympic Games. Where else can you see Tim Duncan and Allen Iverson standing side by side with our table tennis and taekwondo hopefuls? And not only are they standing next to them, they are sans bodyguards and entourages. Could you imagine? An NBA player just being one of the guys? Just a face in the crowd? Not an Escalade in sight? Only in the Olympics, my friend. Only in the Olympics.
I think part of the allure is the fact that the games only come around once every 4 years. It makes it feel special. Kind of like a McRib sandwich -- it's really not all that amazing, but when you can only get it once in a blue moon, you gotta stock up on it's fake rib shaped goodness while you can get it. That's how the Olympics are to me. I mean, if they came around every year, I couldn't care less about Modern Pentathalon and Archery, but i'll be damned if I'm not awake at 4am to see coverage of these two sports live.
My current favorite is team handball. It's an odd mix of basketball, field hockey, and something my sister and I made up when we were 7. The rules of the game -- grab a ball about the size of one of those grocery store bouncy balls that they keep in those big wire holding tanks, run around a court, if you run more than three steps, bounce the ball once, then take three more steps, repeat ad naseum before throwing the ball into a big goal. That's about all there is to it. The whole time I'm watching it, I just can't believe that this is a real sport. And that only makes me love it more. I love the fact that these jokers will get the exact same gold medal around their necks for playing this ridiculous game that Michael Phelps will have around his.
The Opening Ceremony is also a very special part of the Olympic Games. Where else can you see Tim Duncan and Allen Iverson standing side by side with our table tennis and taekwondo hopefuls? And not only are they standing next to them, they are sans bodyguards and entourages. Could you imagine? An NBA player just being one of the guys? Just a face in the crowd? Not an Escalade in sight? Only in the Olympics, my friend. Only in the Olympics.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
