deja vu all over again

Disclaimer: If you care nothing about sports, college football, or UCLA in general, you can skip this entry. It's ok, don't feel guilty. I give you permission.

Ok, is it me, or does this UCLA football season look an awful lot like 1998? Once again we have an undefeated Bruin team coming out of nowhere with a stellar offense capable of putting up 50 a game on any field, home or away. However, the same glaring deficiently haunts this Bruin team as the Cade McNown-led '98 squad -- the defense can't stop anyone.

Just to refresh your memory, in 1998 UCLA reeled off 10 straight victories before having to meet Miami at the end of the season. The Miami game was actually supposed to be played in the beginning of the season but got rescheduled due to a huge hurricane (but you can call it slurricane) hitting Florida. Long story short, Edgerrin James ran all over the Bruin defenders for about 12,000 yards that day and the Bruins lost 49-45 (but as a complete side note, UCLA backup QB Drew Bennett caught a long bomb at about the 3 yard line as the final seconds ticked away to almost win it -- foreshadowing his new career as the Tennessee Titan's #1 WR). The best part of the whole fiasco? UCLA still made it to the Rose Bowl, but gave up 14,000 yards on the ground to Ron Dayne to lose that game too (which by the way I attended in person, a blue blip in a sea of Wisconsin red).

Sadly, UCLA looks no better at stopping the run this season. Even worse, this time around the guys killing us on the ground aren't even Edgerrin James-level talents. Jerome Harrison - 260 yards, Yvenson Bernard - 167 yards, Louis Rankin - 109 yards. I think my mom (who incidentally steals cha cha music... pass it on) could put up triple digits rushing against our D. When Reggie Bush comes into town I'm almost afraid that the NCAA season rushing record will be shattered in just that one game alone.

And yet, despite all the glaring holes, I still think UCLA can pull it off. Call it hope, blind faith, or complete mental delusion. It's ok. So what if we can't stop anyone on D, all we have to do is score 73 on O. I believe in you Bruins (but if this turns out to be 1998 all over again, well let's just forget I wrote this, shall we?).

still more random musings...

Hello friends! It's been much too long since I've last written. I really have no excuse other than sheer and utter laziness. I promise I'll try harder in the future. Well you know, unless I find something better to do.

By the way, you may wonder who that man is in the picture above. I honestly have no idea. But he looks so pensive, I thought he'd be perfect to show how hard I thought about all the random things I wrote below...

• I've mentioned it in an earlier entry, but it bears repeating -- My Name is Earl is still quite hilarious. Watch it. Now.
  
• How I Met Your Mother, on the other hand, continues to suck. Seriously, does anyone like this show? If so, can you please explain to me why? I'm just really curious. Come on, I won't mock you. To your face, anyhow.
  
• I really want to see the movie version of Rent, but I'm torn as to whether it was the right move to include all the folks who originated the roles on Broadway. On one hand, it's really cool that they're allowed to reprise these roles -- at least you know the songs are going to be kick ass, which is key to the enjoyment of the story. On the other hand, they're supposed to be playing 20 year olds, and I think they are all collecting Social Security at this point. I'm really afraid it's going to be like watching Beverly Hills 90210 towards the very end of its run. Not fun.
  
• When did Mariah Carey start rap-singing? You're probably reading this and saying, "what the hell are you talking about," but go back and listen to her new stuff like Shake It Off and We Belong Together. See! I like it, I guess, but it makes me think Mariah somehow got abducted like that Elizabeth Smart kid and brainwashed into thinking she was a long lost member of Bone Thugs N' Harmony.
  
• The 40 Year Old Virgin is one of the funniest movies I've seen in a long time. Yes, I know I'm about 30 years late on this one, but if you haven't seen it yet, see it. If only for Boner Jams '03. I hear The Wedding Crashers is even funnier, true?
  
• Can you believe my UCLA Bruins are still undefeated? Yeah, me neither, but keep it up boys! All I want is the complete and utter destruction of USC when the two meet on December 3rd. Is that too much to ask? I think not.
  
• Is it just me, or is Jerry O' Connell one of the most annoying actors in Hollywood? I'm not bothered by his acting, per se, but I really quite hate him when he's just being "himself" in interviews and such. He's so over the top with his antics I just want to strap him into his chair and pound some Ritalin down his throat. There are times when he makes Tom Cruise look sedate. And yet somehow he is engaged to Rebecca Romijn. Go figure.
  
• Did you know we are now into the greek alphabet for naming tropical storms and hurricanes? We literally ran out of letters, so after Wilma we'd have Hurricane Alpha if it goes from a tropical storm to a full fledged hurricane. Um... yes, I am a nerd.
  
• I was watching Boomerang today on my TiVo, and it made me realize that there was a time in history when Eddie Murphy was thought of as a sex symbol. Then I thought back a bit further and remembered when he was one of the funniest, edgiest comics alive. Now he just makes Disney movies where he's some sort of absent-minded nutty professor. Again, life is not kind.
  
• My mom made me show her how to use the CD burner so she could copy a cha cha CD. I really have no joke here other than the fact that my mom steals cha cha music.
  
• Halloween is coming up and I have no ideas for a costume. Please help me. Pretty please?
  

it's fall, and that means the tivo is working overtime

The new television season has begun, people! It's like Christmas for me, as you've probably guessed from reading my previous blog entries. Some shows premiered last week, but the bulk of new shows hits the airwaves this week.

Best new comedy of the fall season? I haven't seen 'em all yet, but I'm already declaring a winner with My Name is Earl on NBC. I thought the show was too overhyped and thus would fail to live up to expectations, but I really enjoyed it. Very quirky humor, so don't go into it expecting a standard sitcom. I'd put it on par with something like Scrubs, only with trailer trash hillbillies instead of doctors. The premise -- a life-long thief gets hit by a car just as he scratches off a lottery ticket worth $100,000. The thief gets sent to the hospital, and the lottery ticket gets sent flying out of his hands. While in the hospital, Earl comes to the realization that his life is terrible because of all the bad things he'd done in the past, and in order to have a better life, he'd need to start doing good things for other people. This concept of karma is fed by Carson Daly (via a random episode of his late night talk show), and Earl sets out to right all the wrongs he'd ever committed, one wrong at a time. Pretty cool concept, right? Add to that the awesome 80's porn moustache on our do-gooder hero, and this show has Emmy written all over it.

Biggest disappointment in the comedy category thus far? How I Met Your Mother on CBS. As much as My Name is Earl defies the standard sitcom format, How I Met Your Mother embraces it. But it's not a sweet embrace, it's more like a Britney and Kevin Federline-type embrace. Just embarrassing and something you'd rather forget. It's not that this is the worst show on television, it's just that I expected this show to be good, and it was oh so mediocre. Wooden acting, cliche punchlines, terrible dialogue and no genuinely funny moments. I'm going to give this show one more chance, but only because Doogie Howser is a cast member. If there's one thing I've learned, you always give Doogie the benefit of the doubt. Which gives me an idea... instead of setting up the show with a man telling his children the story of how he met their mother (which is certain to get tiresome after episode 3 or so), they should just have Doogie's character type on a computer at the end of the show to recap the night's events, pause for a second in a moment of reflection, and then type one final witty line to close it out. It's a recipe for success.

My favorite returning drama? It hasn't even aired yet, but I know it's going to be an amazing Season 2. It's the show about our favorite survivors of a horrific plane crash onto some sort of mysterious island -- something I like to call Lost. Damn, I love that show. So many mysteries to be answered, like what's in the hatch? And where did the "others" take Walt? And will Sawyer, Michael and Jin make it back safely to the island? Oh Lost, we've had our share of ups and downs, and through it all, I know our bond has grown stronger. I look fondly upon the times we've spent together in the past, but even more than that, I can't wait to see what the future has in store for us. Oh my goodness, I'm shaking... I... well I'll just say it. Lost... will you marry me?

My least favorite returning drama? The O.C. It's dangerously close to being removed from my TiVo season pass. I know, I know, I was shocked at the thought too. But the last episode was the absolute worst I've seen by far, and since all of season 2 was no gem, this is really not a good sign. They should rename the show, Chino, because the best word to describe it now is "ewwww". Here's a tip for the writers... STOP MAKING THE SHOW INTO FALCON CREST! I don't give a rat's ass about Seth's dad and mom and the evil lady trying to make Seth's mom a drunkard. Who cares? Why even explore this? Just be a way too witty, snarky teen dramedy again, and we can all be friends. Sound good? Good. I'll be waiting. Waiting on UPN, where I'll be catching the Chris Rock comedy, Everybody Hates Chris instead.

Curious about ALL of the new fall shows out there? Yes, I know you are, and Salon.com has a pretty good breakdown of what to watch and what not to watch, so check it out.

time for a "reunion"

Melodramatic? Yeah. Over the top acting? Sure. Somewhat chessy dialogue? Affirmative. Added to my TiVo season pass? Definitely. What the heck am I talking about? The new Fox show, Reunion, that's what.

A quick synopsis for those of you who haven't heard of this show -- take a group of 6 friends, one of whom has been tragically murdered, and rewind their lives 20 years to figure out what happened. The catch? Each episode of the show is one year in the lives of these friends, so the show starts in 1986 and takes you all the way to the present day by season's end. That's a pretty clever premise, don't you think? Sure, but here's the six real reasons why you should watch Reunion:

1) It out O.C.'s The O.C.! - The O.C. started out as way too smart and witty teen dramedy in season one, and devolved into a lame, cliche night-time soap by season two. Reunion is a solid night-time soap, plain and simple. It's not jokey or witty, but that's not the point. Night-time soaps are supposed to be equal parts drama and cheese. That's the fun of 'em, and damn it, Reunion delivers.

2) Love triangles galore! - Nothing makes for a successful night-time soap like a love triangle. Hold on to your seats, my friends, because Reunion has two, count 'em TWO love triangles. Nerdy Aaron has always loved free spirit Jenna from afar, but lovely Jenna never gave him the time of day. But right when equally nerdy Carla is ready to confess her undying love to Aaron, she finds Jenna giving into Aaron's advances. Gadzooks! As if that wasn't enough, enter spoiled rich kid Craig, who adores his long-time girlfriend Samantha. Problem is, his life-long best friend Will, the son of his gardener, is also in love with her. Even worse, while Craig and Sam were on a break, Will and Sam hooked up, leading to Sam getting pregnant with Will's baby. Zoinks! Does this have something to do with the mysterious murder? Hmmmm...

3) The token Fox Network "hot chick" is on the show! - Amanda Righetti, who played Hailey the hot wayward sister of uber mom Kristin on Fox's The O.C. AND Tessa, some sort of hot character no one remembers on the little seen Fox show North Shore returns to Fox yet again for series number three. Here's hoping the third time really is the charm.

4) Craig is played by a really, really bad actor... and that's good! - Sean Farris is either playing Criag as a wooden robot devoid of any personality and emotion OR he is a terrible actor devoid of the ability to inject a character with any personality or emotion. You know what? I'm really hoping it's the latter, because every worthy night-time soap has it's Ian Ziering or Andrew Shue, and we may have struck gold with Sean Farris.

5) 80's references galore in the first episode! - Look, anytime you can shove florescent colored polos, "Time After Time," "Take On Me," Risky Business quotes, big ass gold watches, and Andrew Ridgeley diatribes into a single pilot episode, it's going to be a winner. Simple as that.

6) There's a hottie who for some reason everyone thinks is mousey and plain! - Nerdy Carla is obviously hot to any viewer with eyes, yet she is cast as the mousey loser. Why? So we can see the ugly duckling turn into a swan. Viewers like that for some reason. Don't believe me? Remember Joey from Dawson's Creek? Or how about the all-time #1 mousey hottie, Halle Berry in Boomerang? I mean seriously, it's Halle Frickin' Berry, and she's supposed to be an ugly loser? Completely stupid and unbelievable, and yet you were rooting for her in the end, weren't you? I rest my case.

So there you go. Probably the worst sell job EVER, but it really is a fun show. Reunion gets 3.5 Salingers on the Salinger scale, where a Party of Five is the highest rating. Check it out -- episode two gets pre-empted by President Bush (yawn) this week, so you can catch it on Sept. 22nd, and every Thursday night at 9pm afterwards.

man, there goes $250 bucks

Apple just introduced the new iPod Nano, which is so tiny, it makes the iPod Mini look like Kirstie Alley by comparison. The new iPod is thinner than a pencil, less wide than a credit card, and has a full color screen capable of displaying pictures. For $199, you can get a 2 GB Nano, but for only $50 bucks more, you can upgrade to a 4 GB device. Not bad, considering the Liliputian proportions.

Damn. I'm sold. I already have an iPod, but I feel compelled to shell out even more cash for the latest in tiny electronic gadgetry. Oh well, such is the price of progress. Although I know I will feel sheepish next year when they introduce the iPod Atom, the first iPod that can fit inside your left nostril.

and the winner is... anyone who didn't watch this show

"I walk alone,
I walk alone..."
-- Green Day

And with those lyrics, the 2005 MTV Video Music Awards began. I didn't realize it at the time, but Green Day was on the money, walking alone as one of the few entertaining act in the whole show.

Hosted by Diddy -- who changed his name from P. Diddy a couple weeks ago, because he "felt like the 'P' was getting between [him] and [his] fans" -- the show was exactly what we've come to expect from the artist formerly known as Puff Daddy. That is to say over the top, ego-driven, and above all else, cheesier than Chester Cheetah. His opening monologue consisted of Diddy trying to rap and do some awkward herky-jerky dancing while Cirque Du Soliel dancers spun in the air, scantily clad women clapped their hands, guys dressed in white danced around him, and laser lights shot in the air. This might have stood a slight chance of being cool if only Diddy didn't do the EXACT SAME THING in past VMA shows. I'm not even kidding, go back and watch the tapes. A mirror image, right down to the Cirque Du Soliel dancers.

The show didn't get much better from there. The most telling indicator of a bad awards show -- I can't name even one of the award winners from the night. But as with any MTV awards show, who really cares? The VMAs are just an excuse to get celebrities together to party like it's 1999. MTV producers knew this, as they paired up presenters to see and be seen, forsaking any rhyme or reason. Ludacris and Lindsay Lohan! Jessica Alba and Dwyane Wade! Common and Johnny Knoxville! Jeremy Piven and Lil' Kim! The prompter reading was so hollow and awkward, I thought I was watching a State of the Union address by our dear President.

Cutaways to the crowd didn't help matters, as celebrities from Jay-Z to Beyonce to Alicia Keys looked so bored I thought My Left Foot was playing in the background. The only hope to salvage the show at this point was the musical acts, and unfortunately they didn't deliver. There were a couple of decent acts -- 50 Cent and Kanye West come to mind (although Jamie Foxx, stick to acting, will ya? And not that Stealth crap either...) -- but the bulk of the musical acts were lackluster.

Ludacris performed a faithful rendition of "Pimpin' All Over the World," but the fact remained that he was singing a song called "Pimpin' All Over the World." The Killers and Mariah Carey were next up, but they weren't even allowed to perform in the building. They had to do their thing outdoors at some nearby hotel, for what reason, I don't know. The Miami heat (the temperature, not the basketball team) was in full effect, as The Killers lead singer, Brandon Flowers, was dripping with sweat 27 seconds into "Mr. Brightside." Even worse, Mariah Carey's hair lost a battle with the Florida humidity, with her curly locks looking more strung out than Whitney Houston.

Diddy took the time to stomp all over the legacy of the Notorious B.I.G. yet again, using old footage of Biggie to try to tug at our heart strings. Wasn't the whole orchestra performance with Sting at the VMA's a few years ago enough? Can't you let poor Biggie rest in peace? It doesn't come off so much as a tribute, but rather a sad attempt by Diddy to pat himself on the back for being such a thoughtful dude for resurrecting his dead friend's memory at even a scant taste of the spotlight. A perfect example of P coming between him and his fans. I have no idea what that means, I just wanted to dredge up that quote again.

Fat Joe followed this display by introducing a patchwork quilt of reggaeton performances. I'm a fan of reggaeton music (which is basically Latin music mixed with hip hop and reggae), but one of the performances (by Don Omar... yeah, I know you've never heard of him) was so off-key it made me miss Roseanne Barr's rendition of the "Star Spangled Banner." Fat Joe finished up this celebration of the rich latin heritage of Miami in the most appropriate way possible -- by mocking 50 Cent and his G-Unit posse, causing the crowd to start yelling profanity at him. Muy bien, mi amigo. Muy bien.

Just when you didn't think the show could get any weirder, R. Kelly made his way on the stage to act out a new chapter in his 5-part "Trapped in the Closet" saga. For those of you who don't know what this is, it's basically a 20 minute hip-hop opera about R. Kelly cheating on his wife with a woman who is married to a pastor who happens to have a gay lover who introduced R. Kelly's own wife to a policeman who she ends up cheating with herself. Yeah, I'm glad I could clear that up for you. In any case, R. Kelly acts out a brand-new, never before seen chapter in which he plays the pastor, the pastor's wife, and the pastor's gay lover. R. Kelly wraps up the chapter by singing about the pastor kissing his gay lover, which caused R. Kelly to crack himself up at the thought. In a big twist, the pastor character suddenly becomes un-gay and goes back to his wife. Um... homophobia doesn't quite work with a dude who's singing a friggin' HIP-HOP OPERA. R. Kelly is the only person who can make Diddy's over the top antics look pedestrian by comparison.

The night was capped off by Kelly Clarkson performing "Since You Were Gone" while getting drenched with water. I was a little bummed out because this whole spectacle made me think of the Shakira performance earlier in the show. Oh, not because Shakira was particularly good or anything, but if I had to see someone from this show being drenched with water, she'd have to be atop that list. In the end, poor Kelly didn't quite pull of the dousing with poise. The stage got so slippery, she literally fell off. Oops.

And that was that. The 2005 MTV Video Music Awards ends not with a bang or a whimper, but with a wet American Idol falling on her ass. Kind of appropriate, don't you think?

random musings...

Some more thoughts that have been running around in my head...

• I forgot how insanely hot it gets down here in SoCal versus the Bay Area. It's been a sustained 90 to 100+ degrees for 4 weeks straight out where I am. Amazing. That's why I haven't been blogging as much. My keyboard melted last Tuesday.
  
• For those of you who watch the Real World: Austin, man, those past two episodes were heavy. The biggest revelation to me -- the way Melinda has supported Danny through everything. She's just the sweetest person on the planet. Well, you know, for a ho.
  
• I also find myself watching Laguna Beach. Is it me, or do ALL of those girls look exactly the same? When did Laguna Beach turn into Stepford Beach?
  
• Have you noticed that when a person without a beard grows one, you can still tell who they are, but if someone you know with a beard shaves one off, they look like a totally different person? Like if Brad Pitt grew a beard, you'd say, "oh look, Brad Pitt grew a beard. Neat." But if Steven Spielberg shaved his beard, he could probably walk right past you and you'd never know it. Am I the only one who's thought about this? Yeah, probably.
  
• Ted Danson and Kirstie Alley were once sex symbols back in the Cheers days. Just think about that. One day your beloved Jessica Simpson and Josh Duhamel will join them. Life is so cruel.
  
• I am loving to hate Big Brother. Yes I told you not to watch it. I wish I could heed my own advice. It's so terrible, but for some reason it draws me in. Please tell me this is just a by-product of lack of Summer viewing options. Otherwise, I think I need some professional help.
  
• I went to see my Dodgers play live yesterday so I could witness their futility firsthand. They didn't disappoint, blowing a 2-1 lead by giving up five runs in the 8th inning and 2 more in the 9th. Thank god football season is here so I can watch my 49ers instead. Crap. I'm screwed.
  
• Kevin and Bean on KROQ. Hands down the best morning show in the business. I can't stand radio morning shows in general, but these guys actually make me look forward to my morning commute. Those of you outside the L.A. area, let me paraphrase your thoughts at the moment -- "Um... who cares."
  
• I can't say that I'm a fan of The Killers, but I really dig that song Mr. Brightside. I think it's about adultery. Then again, the song could be about skinning cats, and so long as the melody was pleasing, I'd go with it.
  
• My favorite website of the moment? The official website for the Reno-Tahoe International Airport. Why? Just look how happy the guy is on the home page. He doesn't even need a plane, you can tell he's on such a high (natural or otherwise).
  
• I just bought a new house! Wow, I'm all grown up now. Strangely, I don't know whether this realization makes me ecstatic or completely depressed.
  
• Iced tea is yummy.
  

reality bites

As you probably guessed by now, I'm a reality TV junkie. You slap that label on something, I'll probably watch it at least once, if not 20 times. A little nuts? Maybe. But let my disease be your guide to the mostly less than wonderful world of reality TV. Here's a quick rundown on what's worth watching and what you can skip in order to catch up on your reading. Ha ha, just kidding. I know no one actually reads books.

TiVo It

The Real World: Austin - After a season in Philadelphia that had the RW franchise on the ropes, the latest installment comes back strong, like Rocky Balboa on Ivan Drago. In the first episode alone we got a girl-on-girl hot tub kiss, a roomie who gets Ruthie-level drunk and starts a fight with another one of her roommates which indirectly leads to still another roommate getting his eye socket broken, a hottie roommate who insists on constantly walking around in her underwear, the reincarnation of Abe from Road Rules, and oh, remember the broken eye socket -- a remnant of a sucker punch from an anonymous stranger who apparently hates Real Worlders. This is all in the FIRST episode! After this brilliant hour of television, I was ready to put Austin in the Real World Hall of Fame, next to Las Vegas and Hawaii. Sadly, the excitement has gone down a bit since that inaugural viewing. But still, the grandaddy of reality TV is back, and for that reason alone is TiVo-worthy.

Being Bobby Brown - Look we all knew Bobby was a freak. After he recorded "Ain't Nobody Humpin' Around," the mystery was pretty much gone. The true star of this series is Mrs. Bobby Brown, aka Whitney Houston. I hate to compare her behavior to that of a crack whore, but that's only because it may be a slap in the face to all the drug addicted prostitutes out there. Like rubbernecking to watch a car accident on the side of the freeway, or a showing of Glitter on VH1, Being Bobby Brown has to be seen to be believed. Add the fact that Bobby actually has to be subtitled even though he's speaking English, and this has Season Pass written all over it.

30 Days - From Morgan Spurlock, the creator of the Academy Award nominated, Super Size Me, comes this weekly show on FX. The basic premise -- place someone in a situation completely out of their element for 30 days in order to see how they deal with it. Not only does the subject of each social experiment learn something, but the viewer does as well. Episodes featuring Spurlock and his fiancee living on minimum wage, a Christian man forced to live as a Muslim, and a man who takes steroids for 30 days to see if it would make him feel younger, really held my attention. Others, such as watching a mom binge drink to teach her college aged daughter a lesson, came out as flat as Scottie Pippen's nose. Despite this shortcoming, 30 Days is more hit than miss, and is truly one of the few reality shows that strives to push reality TV beyond mindless entertainment. For this reason it lands on my TiVo playlist.

Well, Still Better Than Reading Books

Hell's Kitchen - Take one part world-famous chef, a handful of chef wanna-be's, and a dash of insanity, and what do you have? No, not a cheese omelette. Fox's Hell's Kitchen. I honestly thought it was so over the top that I stopped watching after the first couple episodes, thinking that no one would ever subject themselves to such abuse from a master chef in order to be one themselves. However, after talking to a friend who has a brother who dealt with the same type of lunacy on his road to being an executive chef, I guess the premise isn't so far fetched afterall. The season is nearly done, but you still have a chance to catch some poor sap get a tongue lashing. And a cheeky British tongue lashing at that.

Rockstar: INXS - INXS lost lead singer Michael Hutchence to an apparent suicide back in 1997. Now that 8 years have passed, the best way to honor their former lead singer seems to be by holding a rock version of American Idol to find his replacement. Not bad, but very repetitive. I can't see enjoying this beyond a couple episodes. Plus all the contestants are in their 20's, while the band itself is on the cusp of Social Security. By the time they go on the road with the winner, 5/6ths of the new band will be able to withdraw cash from their Roth IRA with no tax penalty whatsoever. In the end, I don't know why they're bothering with this whole song and dance. Just grab Bo Bice and be done with it.

Avoid Like Corey Feldman's Career

Average Joe: The Joes Strike Back - Take a slightly above average looking girl and surround her with less than average looking guys. Sound familiar? Yeah, because they've tried this premise twice already. The new slant? Rejected dweebs get to come back after an extreme makeover to try and win the love of previously mentioned slightly above average looking girl. Not different enough to distinguish itself from the previous two installments, and let's face it, those two seasons both sucked anyway. Stay away.

Big Brother 6 - The latest Big Brother puts a bunch of strangers into a house that they cannot leave for about 2 months. The twist -- everyone secretly knows someone else in the house... ooooh! Except honestly, unless you're an idiot, couldn't you figure out that hey, if I have a secret pal in this house, everyone else probably does too? Apparently they can't. None of them. And they all spend their days "staying true" while "playing the game" whatever those statements mean. I'm not a fan. But then again, I'll probably watch this anyway if only to avoid Dan Brown and his literary cohorts.

ten questions with someone who might look vaguely familiar to you...

Today, I would like to introduce you to someone who might look vaguely familiar to you. His name is Cecil Mamiit. Cecil is a professional tennis player. Cecil captured the NCAA singles title in 1996, becoming the first freshman to win since John McEnroe in 1978. Cecil once had a commercial for K-Swiss which aired every 27 seconds on ESPN.

Cecil took the time to graciously answer ten questions for me over IM. Let's get to know Cecil, shall we?

warren: When did you first realize that you were good enough at tennis that you could do it for a living?
cecil: my senior year of high school playing as an amateur before going to college
cecil: beating college players
warren: If you could have the game of Lleyton Hewitt, or date Jennifer Love Hewitt, which would you choose?
cecil: game of hewitt
warren: If you and Serena Williams played Scrabble, who would win?
cecil: i would
warren: How would you describe your game?
cecil: aggressive baseliner
warren: What do you consider your biggest tennis victory?
cecil: beating chang at the sybase
warren: You're in a dark, dark room, all alone.
warren: If I gave you a flashlight, what shadow animals could you make for me?
cecil: bird
warren: Any others?
cecil: dog
warren: Who was your favorite tennis player growing up and why?
cecil: boris becker
cecil: and chang
warren: Why?
cecil: becker's aggressive play.. risking and taking chances
cecil: chang for his consistency
cecil: and speed
cecil: and he's asian
warren: And of course, because he's celibate.
warren: If Andy Roddick needed a kidney and you were a perfect match and would make a great donor, would you give him yours?
cecil: nope
warren: You ass.
cecil: hahaha
cecil: i'm just messing
warren: What is your favorite Grand Slam event to play?
cecil: aussie to play
warren: Why? All the marsupials?
cecil: laid back.. fans have fun and get into it
cecil: tournament is run well
cecil: treat players well
warren: Oh, I guess that's good too.
warren: And finally...
warren: MC Hammer once said, "U Can't Touch This."
warren: What exactly was he referring to?
cecil: his dance moves
warren: No, i'm sorry. His penis. He was talking about his penis.
cecil: no he was talking about his dance moves
warren: I stand corrected.

Thanks to Cecil Mamiit. Cheer him on at a tennis tournament near you.

another random IM exchange

Few times has a show as truly horrible as Dancing with the Stars captured the imagination of television watchers everywhere. Or at least the imaginations of BK and I. Witness the following exchange of two fools who actually ended up watching a show about dancing:

bk: then again, peterman had that intense stare thing going on
warren: that creeps me out
warren: he looks deranged
bk: the worst was when they announced the scores and got her reaction shot, and you could see peterman in the background
warren: was he sobbing?
warren: but yet still staring intensely?
bk: no, he just looked crushed
bk: he knew that the fix was in
bk: it's like realizing that you were just a pawn in a huge sick game
warren: my god, i did all this dancing for nothing
warren: DAMN YOU GRACEFUL FEET FOR LEADING ME INTO THIS SHAM!!!
bk: he thought the merengue was his Ace in the Hole
bk: he was wrong
bk: dead wrong
warren: little did he know aces are only considered low cards on dancing with the stars
bk: ohhhh snap
warren: he should have read the fine print
warren: you gotta read, bitch!
warren: don't just be pocketing aces willy nilly
bk: at least he now knows that suaveness doesn't get you everything
bk: and, well, he's now got industry cred with 2nd Place (as opposed to 1st)
warren: he's the bo bice of ballroom dance
bk: damn straight
bk: poor bastard