Time to Face Facts

Why must you poke me on Facebook? What does that even mean? Do you like me? Do you hate me? If so, just tell me. I'm not even sure how to respond to a poke. So just stop it.

In fact, I'm not sure how to respond to the Facebook phenomenon. Everyone thinks it's so cool to amass all of these friends. Why? I don't care how many friends you have. In fact, I'm not even really your friend, person I worked with for two months who I once had a conversation about bagels with. Don't get me wrong, I think it's great that you have a Bigger Brain than me and that you loved the movie Iron Man, but do I need a news alert to keep me informed about what you wrote on your friend Mindy's wall? Probably not. And Mindy's way out of your league by the way. Waaaay out.

I think all of these Facebook apps have really gone overboard as well. There's now an app for everything. For my favorite music. For Scrabble. For scribbling on my page. Even for SuperPoking. I don't even like regular poking. Please don't bring your enhanced cyberfinger this way, ok?

The one thing I do know about Facebook is that it can't last. We've seen this story before, haven't we? From Yahoo! Groups, to Friendster, to MySpace, to Facebook, something else will always come along. You know why? Because you're not cool. I'm sorry to tell you this, but you're really not. I mean you're great and people think you're awesome in your own unique way, but you're not cool the way kids these days perceive coolness.

Therein lies the problem. Kids want to congregate where all the cool kids are. But cool kids don't hang out in places where their parents and teachers have set up pages and profiles. They want to be free to poke each other in geriatric free environments. And more power to them. I wouldn't want to set up my "I hate Ms. Andrews" teacher bashing page in the same space that hosts photos of Ms. Andrews drunk in Vegas, as tagged by Mr. Dinkins, the P.E. teacher. Well, actually that would be sweet. But promiscuous teachers like Ms. Andrews are few and far between.

No, instead what you have will be teachers who set up fake profiles in the same network as their students, using them to snoop around and read their private thoughts. This has already happened in a well documented case at the prestigious Horace Mann School in New York City. It's only a matter of time before Horace Mann becomes Bel Air Prep becomes Regular Old School U.S.A. and kids move on to the next thing, taking the it factor with them.

So enjoy your pokes while you can, people. Because by this time in a couple of years, you'll be snarking people on PeopleChain or whatever the cool kids choose to call home. It's just the natural thing to do.

Mother's Day Thoughts...

In honor of Mother's Day, I figured I should write a little something about my mom. But let's face it, I'm not good with sappy sentiments. So instead, let's celebrate another brush with my mom and technology. A couple years ago, I documented my mom's exciting experience with On-Star in her new car.

If you click on the link, you'll also see my dad's first (and only) attempt at e-mail. Now my mom's definitely more computer savvy than my dad, but she's also a bit e-mail challenged. Her e-mail Achilles heel? She's an over-forwarder. You know. The people who like to forward things like this:

• A list of fun trivia my mom bet I didn't know (like did you know that "stewardesses" is the longest word you can type with just your left hand, and "lollipop" is the longest word you can type with only your right? Well, you do now, thanks to my mom)
• A PowerPoint presentation of the Beijing Olympic venues (not any actual people or events, just the venues themselves -- yes, photos of buildings)
• A picture of some guy on top of the World Trade Center as a plane swoops in behind him. Yes, the one people sent around back in 2001. And yes, it's still a hoax and still in poor taste -- yet still surprisingly forwardable amongst older Chinese women
• A laundry list of the benefits of drinking green tea. For instance, it fights cancer, prevents Alzheimer's disease, slows aging, is tasty, makes bones stronger, and prevents the flu. I don't think any of this has actually been proven. Except, of course, the line about it being tasty
• A montage of Guinness World Record holders, like some dude with crazy long fingernails, and some lady with a really long neck
• A 22 photo slide show of a kitten and parakeet living together in perfect harmony. Just like this, only 22 times longer:
  

I think the interesting thing about all this is that I've learned a little more about my mom. I now have more insight into the things that she finds amusing and interesting. And sure, I've learned that it encompasses strange facts about typing words with your right hand, freak show Guinness Record holders, green tea, and parakeets and kittens living in harmony. But I'm still glad she's given me a glimpse into this part of her online world.

Good for you mom. Embrace technology with open arms! Happy Mother's Day!

Somebunny Loves Me...

Aww... this explains a lot. Or actually not much at all:



If I'm Laura Bush, I am not standing for this floppy-eared homewrecking. Hey W... less bunny hugging, more Osama hunting please.

Sound Advice

I was watching MTV last night, and saw the following commercial:



Yes, it's Nehemiah and Johanna from the Real World: Austin counseling America's youth on career information. That would be great, if only either of the two actually had a career of their own. Instead, they are just doing Real World/Road Rules Challenges and otherwise hanging out and capitalizing on what little they have left of their 15 minutes of fame. Ah, the epitome of the MTV role model.

Marathon Sessions

One of the things that I love about Bravo, MTV, and VH1 are that they allow you to catch up on their shows by running a marathon of past episodes prior to airing a finale. It definitely helps to build an audience for the finale that may not otherwise tune in. It also allows viewers who have never seen one episode of a certain show to get hooked on a lazy weekend afternoon.

The one thing I hate about these marathons -- during the commercial breaks, they always show a teaser for the finale. I assume this is to let users know what day and time to tune in, but for folks who haven't seen the episodes leading up to the finale, these commercials are total spoilers. Hey look, it's the two finalists for Top Chef. Yay! But I'm only on episode 4, and now you've just ruined every other episode for me. Boo.

Can't these channels put a modified promo during marathons that just say "you're watching the marathon for America's Best Dance Crew, tune in for the finale on Thursday?" It would keep people happily watching the marathon AND get the date and time of the final episode in their minds. Seriously. Is this too much to ask?

An Idol Question

I was watching the results show of American Idol this evening -- yes, I somehow got sucked into watching this show again this season. The thing that struck me today is that the bottom three contestants, ie. the ones that received the fewest votes, get to sing their song again before one of them is sent home.

I guess this has always been the case but for some reason I never noticed until today how utterly ridiculous this is. These are admittedly the absolute WORST three performances from the night before, so why would the producers of the show force us to listen to them again? Wouldn't it be better to keep viewers' interest by showcasing the three best renditions instead? This just doesn't make sense to me.

Ah yes, I know why I never really thought about this before. I hardly ever watched the results show, since it stretches out something that should take 2 seconds into one full hour. I'll just go back to my old habit of just tuning in next week and figuring out who's missing. Or maybe I'll just stop watching this ridiculous show. Um, yeah.

Random Thoughts, Canadian Edition

Some random Canadian thoughts for the day as I am sitting on a plane headed back to New York from Vancouver:

• Whistler/Blackcomb is a nice resort for snowboarding. Just a nice variety of terrain for all levels. Although $84 bucks a day is damn steep, especially since the dollar is so weak. Sigh. Stupid U.S. dollar.
• And just to illustrate how weak our dollar is now, I bought lunch from Burger King in Vancouver airport which ended up being $3.84. I whipped out 4 U.S. dollars, handed it to the cashier, and got just one lame Canadian penny back. Ouch.
• I just finished watching No Country for Old Men on my trusty laptop. Can someone please explain to me what the hell the last 30 minutes of that movie were all about? If you looked up anti-climatic in the dictionary, I think a DVD of this movie would be sitting right there, slapping you in the face.
• Why are planes the only place where the bathroom is referred to as a lavatory? No one ever refers to the bathroom as a lavatory outside of this setting, do they? I just find it strange. It would be like if people just started calling a telephone a snog simply because they were using it on a boat.
• In any case, in aforementioned lavatory, I saw this sticker on the toilet (and don't worry, my hands were clean when I snapped this shot, honest):
  
  
  
  Ok, so I'm not supposed to throw cups, bottles, or handkerchiefs in the toilet. I'm not sure why I would think to chuck a bottle into the toilet anyhow. I mean I don't do that in a normal toilet, why would I suddenly think to start doing that on a plane? Even more puzzling, what is that last drawing supposed to be? A bar of soap? A pencil eraser? Why would I even have those things in my possession? I even asked the flight attendants and they were equally puzzled. If nothing else, I think I've sparked a debate that will go down in Air Canada lore of what that drawing is supposed to represent.
• I saw South Park reruns on TV every single night in Canada. Shouldn't Canadians hate this show? All the Canadian characters on the show are morons, and they even wrote a song called "Blame Canada" for the South Park movie, with the lyrics, "blame Canada, blame Canada, it seems that everything's gone wrong since Canada came along, blame Canada, blame Canada... they're not even a real country anyway!"
• I had heard that curling was a huge sport in Canada, but I didn't really believe it until we were flipping channels and saw TSN (the ESPN of Canada) with non-stop curling coverage. They even did that picture in picture thing where they cut away from your match to show you some split screen live action of another curling match in progress. We sat there for 45 minutes watching this thing, and we still couldn't figure out what was going on. Just to give you an idea of how athletic one needs to be in order to compete, there was a guy who was nicknamed "The Kid" and he was nearly 40.

That's all for now, eh?

unnecessary details

I was at Duane Reade today and I saw the following box:



What is the logic behind the photos detailing what an unhealthy nail looks like versus a healthy nail? Are they hoping people will wander the aisles, happen to see the photo of the unhealthy nail, think to themselves, "holy crap, that looks like my nail," and then purchase the box?

Because if that's the goal, congratulations Myococide MS! I had no idea my mangled, yellow, half-eaten nail was in fact unhealthy until I saw that box. Six bucks later, and my nail is now shiny and clear. Thanks Woodward's anti-fungal cream!

And... scene.

a lesson in race

As I was walking back home from getting a haircut in the East Village, I stopped at a corner waiting for the light to change. An African-American woman wearing a bicycle helmet looked at me and started saying something. I couldn't quite hear her, so I walked closer and politely said, "I'm sorry, I didn't hear you."

The woman then said something to the extent of why the hell are you here, go back to China where you belong because nobody wants you here. I was a little taken aback, given that I've never really encountered racist remarks directed specifically at me. The fact that she too was a person of color also threw me off a bit. I mean, the only ones who really have the right to say, "we don't want you in our country," are American-Indians, so I don't think this lady had any more of a claim to the corner of 1st and 1st than I did.

She kept screaming at me as she walked, to which I yelled, "I think you need to tighten that helmet, because you've obviously bumped your head too hard." But perhaps instead of resorting to such insults, I should have spent some time enlightening her on the beauty of the Chinese culture, and all of the advances we've introduced into her life.

For example, I'm sure she enjoys a tasty bowl of spaghetti from time to time... who doesn't? Who is responsible for spaghetti? Italians, you say? Well, sure, but where did Italians first get the idea for noodles? That's right. China.

And this woman probably flew a kite as a child, marveling at the amazing heights reached by a simple piece of cloth soaring into the heavens. Hey, guess what, lady? That joyful memory that was brought to you by, you guessed it. The repulsive Chinese.

The July 4th fireworks display you love to watch each year off the Hudson River? China invented gunpowder and fireworks. Reading your favorite newspapers and magazines? Us too... we invented movable type printing. Silk boxers? Yeah, the Chinese thought of silk. That wig you're hiding under your crazy bike helmet? Mmm hmm, made in China. Toothbrushes, toilet paper, and wheelbarrows? China, China, and China.

So why all the hate, miss? Look at all we've done for you! You should be thankful to have such a talented, proud culture living in your midst. I think once I told her all this, she would have agreed, put aside her hate, and then called all her friends to tell them about the nice Chinese boy she met. Oh well. Maybe next time.

nothing says "sales leads" like racism!

I was watching the Super Bowl this Sunday with about 10 other friends, and we were having a great time critiquing not only the game, but also all of the Super Bowl ads that were peppered throughout the broadcast.

One that stopped us in our tracks cold was the following by SalesGenie.com:



There’s nothing like a racist panda bear cartoon to silence the room in disbelief. SalesGenie.com also had another ad airing during the Super Bowl, this one depicting an Indian worker as a nebbish loser who needs a job to support his 7 children. Again, way to work those stereotypes!



Did we just see two obviously offensive stereotypically racist commercials airing during the biggest advertising day in the U.S.? Really? And did SalesGenie.com really think this was a smart way to get the word out about its product?

Hmm… apparently so, since not everyone was as negative on the campaign as I was. Check out this post on AdRants, where author Steve Hall touts the ads in the following manner:

Still sort of cheesy but both spots are dead on message: Salesgenie will give you 100 free sales leads and improve your sales. In our eyes, Salesgenie has redeemed itself and is assured of not winning the Worst Super Bowl 200 Award of the Year.

Really? "Dead on" message? Not the worst Super Bowl ads? Umm, unless the message was "hey, we think ching-chonging Asians is crazy hilarious," I kind of missed the theme that Hall touts as "dead-on." I guess SalesGenie.com should try to ding a couple of other nationalities next time around to really get Mr. Hall’s attention.

Unless you're down with racially insensitive advertising, I suggest you boycott SalesGenie.com. What's that you say? You have no idea what you'd use the company for anyhow? Hmm, good point. They're probably happy I'm even wasting my time writing about them in any way. Touché, racist jerks. Touché.