most, but not all

I saw this image on my friend's Yahoo! Messenger status:



And I guess to some extent it's true. But there are exceptions, of course:



See.

oh, hey. thanks for the heartfelt greeting...

When I opened up my email inbox today, I got a very touching holiday greeting. See for yourself:



Isn't that sweet? It's not even from UCLA specifically, which would make some sort of sense. No sir. It's from all ten schools that comprise the Conference of Champions®.

I had no idea that the Pac-10 and I were so tight. This is what the holidays are all about, people! True friends. Heartfelt wishes.

Happy holidays everyone!

i need to see some ID... or not?

I stroll out of my apartment and look down at my watch --- 5:10pm. Right on schedule. I've left myself plenty of time to make my way out to JFK for my 7:05pm flight to sunny Los Angeles. I walk down to the corner of 1st and 1st, you know, the nexus of the universe, and hail a cab.

I hop in, fall asleep somewhere in the midtown tunnel, and before you know it 45 minutes have passed and I'm pulling into the departures area. I pull out my money clip and peel off 55 bucks to hand to the cab driver. I grab my bags and wheel into the terminal. A quick glance shows 5:55pm... yup, still on schedule.

I walk up to grab my boarding pass, reach into my pocket, and... oh crap. I pull out my money clip, my keys, my ipod shuffle, and my Blackberry. I seem to be missing something. I forgot to take my wallet. Great job, me. In a panic, I look down at my watch... 6:08pm. Damn it. A cab ride back to Manhattan and back would be at least an hour and 30 minutes, not to mention an additional $110 in cab fare. I really f-ed this up.

Defeated, I walk up to the counter and ask if there are any later flights to Los Angeles. The guy at the gate says, no this is the last flight to Los Angeles, but I'm here in plenty of time. I explain that I forgot to bring my wallet, and thus have no ID.

"No driver's license?" Nope. "No passport?" Nope. "Nothing?" No. "Oh, well you can still go on the plane." Um... what? "I said, let me print your boarding pass, you can still get on." Did he not hear me? I said I had no ID. "No, I know. They'll just do some extra security measures. Have a great flight!"

Puzzled, I grab my pass and look down at my watch -- 6:18pm, if this doesn't work, I'm defintely not getting into LA tonight. I walk up to the first security guard at the front of the zig zagging ropes leading to the X-ray machines. I hand her my boarding pass. "ID please?" Um, I don't have it. I forgot my wallet but the guy at the ticket counter said you'd be able to do some sort of extra security measures? "No, I don't think we do that." Well, that's what the ticket guy said. "He did? Well, ok. go ahead, you can try it up there." She points me down the line towards the X-ray machine and let's me through. Success at checkpoint #1.

I make my way up to the second set of guards and hand him my boarding pass. "ID please?" I actually don't have ID, I forgot it at home. "You have no driver's license or passport at all?" No, they said I could still get on with extra security measures? "Um... yup. Sure." The security guard turns and grabs a marker and draws two long lines on my boarding pass before handing it back to me. "Ok, you're all set."

I looked across at the metal detector and X-ray machine. Was I just supposed to put my stuff in there like any normal ID carrying citizen? I guess so. I throw my stuff onto the conveyor belt and wait for the guard to wave me through. He does, and I walk through the metal detector. No problem. He looks at my boarding pass, and waves me into a side area. Uh oh. Here it comes. The extra security measures in full force.

A male guard waves me into a small roped off area. He lightly frisks me, and then asks me to point out which stuff was mine on the conveyor belt next to us. I point it out. Another guard grabs it and swabs everything for explosives. No searches through any of my stuff. Just some cotton swabbing on the outside of my bags. No bomb residue detected. Hooray. They then take my boarding pass, stamp it with today's date, and then hand it back to me. "Ok, sir. You're all set."

I look down at my watch -- 6:25pm. Did I really just do this? I just walked through airport security with no ID. None whatsoever. I'm not sure if this made me happy that I got through so easily, or just a bit nervous about the whole situation. In all honesty, a little bit of both.

One more glance and it's 6:35pm. Time to board. I realize I'm just happy to be on the plane, regardless of the circumstances. LA, here I come!

famous and original

I have been living in my New York apartment for just over 3 months now, but somehow I didn't realize that the place I call home is in fact the nexus of the universe. Says who? Well, none other than Kramer himself. Examine, if you will, this exchange from the classic Seinfeld episode, "The Maid":

JERRY: Hello?

COMPUTER VOICE: You have a collect call from--

KRAMER: Hey, buddy, don't say no!

JERRY: I accept.

KRAMER: I went down to Madeline's. I told her, "You gotta move, or it's over."

JERRY: Well, what happened?

Elaine gets up and leaves.

KRAMER: I think it's over. We had a big fight, she threw me out, I started walkin', and now I'm lost downtown! I don't have any money. I don't recognize anybody. I miss home... and I don't even know how to get there.

JERRY: What's around you?

KRAMER: I'm lookin' at Ray's Pizza. You know where that is?

JERRY: Is it Famous Ray's?

KRAMER: No. It's Original Ray's.

JERRY: Famous Original Ray's?

KRAMER: It's just Original, Jerry!

JERRY: Well, what street are you on?

KRAMER: Hey, I'm on first and first. How can the same street intersect with itself? I must be at the nexus of the universe.

JERRY: Just wait there. I'll pick you up, and, Kramer, stay alive no matter what occurs, I will find you!

KRAMER: Aah!

The odd thing is, there is no Ray's Pizza here. Not Original Ray's. Not Famous Ray's. Not Famous Original's Most Famous Ray's. None. There is a Ray's somewhat nearby, about 3 blocks away. But that one's on Ludlow and Houston (and about 2 streets down from that Ray's is yet another Ray's, but I digress).

But those streets are neither funny nor the nexus of the universe. So I guess I'll forgive that geographical transgression just this once.

the halloween rules

It surprises me that every year Halloween comes and goes, and there's still people who don't get the rules. What rules, you may ask? See, you're part of the problem. It's time to get educated, my friend. It's time to learn the Official Rules of Halloween:

• Girls need to dress scandalously: I'm not saying all girls should dress like whores. Not at all. I'm just saying your costume needs to be more scandalous than your normal, every day outfits. Halloween is the one chance per year to let your hair down and go a tad wild. Don't squander it by carrying around a big piece of cardboard and going as a Facebook profile (true story, and also truly difficult to maneuver in).
• Guys need to do more than wear a tuxedo T-shirt: Seriously. That's not good enough.
  
  
  
  
• If you go to a Halloween party, you have to wear a costume: Come on. This is non-negotiable. Why even bother going to a Halloween party if you're not going to dress up? Oh wait, that's right. To gawk at girls who dress scandalously. Well, consider that your fee for the privilege to gawk. It's the least you can do.
• All kids under the age of 5 should be dressed as animals: What's cuter than this:
  
  
  
  Or this:
  
  
  
  I rest my case. Once the kid turns 5, ok, he can be Batman, and she can be a princess. Until then, animals. You'll never have this time back, people. Strike when the iron is hot.
• Candy should be given out based on merit: I had kids last year who came to my house with no costume at all, just screaming for candy. On the flipside, I had other kids ringing my doorbell who had fantastic costumes. Why should they both get the same Snickers bars and Sour Patch Kids? This is America, people. We should award candy based on merit. You come to my door with no costume? Well, you get raisins. That's the rules. Will you throw these on my porch, or at my window out of disgust? Probably. But I'm willing to take that chance, because you don't deserve a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. You just don't.
• Older kids should still get candy: Provided they qualify under the rules of candy-giving merit above, Older kids should still get a crack at a treat during Halloween. I mainly put this rule in here because I once went trick-or-treating as a college student at UCLA and I have to defend this somehow.
• Candy corn and black licorice are gross: A timeless observation, but nonetheless as true in 2007 as it was in 1907.

Got any other rules that should be added to this list? Comment away!

you know you're a bad parent when...

...Kevin Freakin' Federline is deemed a better adult role model than you. From E! Online:

Kevin Federline will finally get to prove his mettle as Mr. Mom: Britney Spears has, for the time being, lost physical custody of her sons.

Los Angeles Superior Court Commissioner Scott M. Gordon issued an order Monday granting Federline the sole right "to retain physical custody of the minor children." It goes into effect Wednesday at noon, "until further order of the court."

Sources confirm to E! News that Federline already has custody of sons Sean Preston, 2, and Jayden James, 1.

When it rains it pours, huh Brit? At least you can fall back on your awesome stage shows to console you through the lonely night. Oh wait... you can't.

shhh!

From the "sometimes it's better to let sleeping (in heaven or otherwise) dogs lie" files, ladies and gentleman... Stephon Marbury:

Stephon Marbury Defends Michael Vick, Calls Dogfighting a Sport
August 22, 2007

NEW YORK (AP) -- New York Knicks guard Stephon Marbury defended Michael Vick, calling dogfighting a sport and comparing it to hunting.

Marbury spoke Monday about the federal dogfighting conspiracy charges against Vick while promoting his basketball shoe in Albany, N.Y.

"I think it's tough," Marbury said, according to Albany TV station Capital News 9. "I think, you know, we don't say anything about people who shoot deer or shoot other animals. You know, from what I hear, dogfighting is a sport. It's just behind closed doors."

On Monday, Vick said through a lawyer that he will plead guilty to a federal charge of conspiracy to travel in interstate commerce in aid of unlawful activities and conspiracy to sponsor a dog in an animal fighting venture. He also faces possible prosecution in Virginia.

"I think it's tough that we build Michael Vick up and then we break him down," Marbury said. "I think he's one of the superb athletes, and he's a good human being. I just think that he fell into a bad situation."

Just a tip to Stephon... if you want to keep peddling your own low-priced kicks (which is actually quite a noble endeavor), maybe it would be a good idea to steer clear of supporting a "sport" that results in electrocuting, beating, and hanging dogs, not to mention watching them tear each other to pieces.

the surest sign that kids are liars

This AP article only proves one thing... today's youth are not at all honest when taking surveys:

Poll: Family ties key to youth happiness

So you're between the ages of 13 and 24. What makes you happy? A worried, weary parent might imagine the answer to sound something like this: Sex, drugs, a little rock 'n' roll. Maybe some cash, or at least the car keys.

Turns out the real answer is quite different. Spending time with family was the top answer to that open-ended question, according to an extensive survey — more than 100 questions asked of 1,280 people ages 13-24 — conducted by The Associated Press and MTV on the nature of happiness among America's young people.

Next survey -- what types of food do you find most tasty? Celery and carrot sticks, get ready for the shocking responses!

my favorite things...

As seen through the eyes of my camera phone:

My iPod Shuffle



When I first bought this thing back in LA, I thought it would be the perfect thing to use when I went running. Super small and lightweight, with a built in clip so you didn't need to have any pockets to hold it, what more could you ask from a running companion? I forgot one glaring hole in this purchase decision -- I don't like to run. I tried to get into it, but I used the shuffle for running, oh, about zero times. I remember telling a friend of mine it was perhaps one of the dumbest impulse purchases I've ever made in my life.

Well, no longer! Now the iPod Shuffle is my trusty companion nearly every day of my life. It's perfect for drowning out the city traffic noise, and making a mundane subway journey enjoyable. The fact that it can slide into my pocket along with my earbuds means that I can take it literally anywhere... even on a night out on the town.

My Magazines



I subscribe to a lot of magazines. I mean a lot. More than any one person should. This photo only shows a sampling of what I subscribe to. There's about 3 or 4 more not pictured. Again, I'm not kidding. I think magazines appeal to the ADD in me. I can't seem to focus long enough to read an entire book, so magazines provide just the right amount of reading material to hold my withering attention span. I also enjoy reading about a diverse set of random topics, ranging from finance, to pop culture, to start-up businesses, to fitness, to music, to hot actresses named Jessica (Alba or Biel, either will do).

Prior to NYC I'd be lucky to slog through half of my stack per month, but with the time spent on subways and just tooling around the parks to take advantage of being outside, I am actually powering through my magazines with renewed vigor. Yes, I just used the word vigor.

My Gold Adidas Sneaks



These babies are on their last legs and I'm really bummed about it. Purchased from the DSW in Pasadena, these cloth outer soled gold trimmed sneaks have been my constant companion for the past two and a half years. Light enough to stick in a suitcase, comfy enough to walk the streets of NYC, rugged enough to take outdoor hikes in Hawaii, yet stylish enough to get me into the trendiest clubs, I'm going to miss this kicks when I have to part with them. Sigh.

Jaywalking



Oddly, this is one of my favourite things about New York City. I like it so much, that I spelled the word favorite like I was Hugh Grant. A culture built around walking means never having to wait for the light to change. Why let a little thing like a bright red hand stop you when there's no traffic to be seen? Hell, why let a little thing like a bright red hand stop you when there *IS* traffic to be seen? Just take a quick glance, look to see that it's at least clear enough to get you across the street with only a glancing blow from a side mirror, and off you go.

My Blue Threadless T-Shirt with All the Animal Silhouettes On It



There's just something about the sheer simplicity of this shirt that I love. The shirt features the alphabet from A-Z with an animal associated with each letter. My favorite is "N" for norwhal (a whale with a horn, for those who aren't in the know). The bright royal Dodger Blue coloration doesn't hurt. But the Dodgers plummeting out of first and into 4th place in the NL West in the span of two weeks? Yeah, that hurts. Stupid Dodgers.

Vegas, baby... Vegas!



I just happened to have this picture of Vegas on my phone from testing a new feature that I'm building out at work. I also happen to love Vegas. For, oh, about 48 hours max. Any more than that, and Vegas becomes one of my most hated places in the world. If you've never been there, just trust me on this one. Get in. Get out. Don't stay too long. Remember that movie, Gremlins, where those cute little mogwai turn into menacing gremlins if you feed them after midnight? Um, yeah. Same idea.

Hooray for camera phones!

catching z's

I can't sleep. Actually this is untrue. I *could* sleep, but for some reason I seem to find a ton of things to do late into the night that preclude me from doing so. It's like my mind kicks into another gear after midnight and I find a million little things to ponder.

Some might call me a night owl. I think this understates the case, as the night owl by definition is purely nocturnal. No, my job demands that I be dayturnal as well, which basically sucks, since sleep is the sacrificial lamb in this case. And strangely for someone who loves sleep as much as I do, I don't seem to get enough of it.

Perhaps it is because the wise rapper Nas once said, "sleep is the cousin of death." If Nas is correct, gravitating towards things which inevitably lead towards the end of our existence would indeed be a silly choice. However, upon further research, I now believe that sleep is merely the great step-uncle of death. And really, how often do you actually see your great step-uncle? Maybe once ever at a family reunion? And even at that point, he's probably too busy playing mah-jong with all the other old people, and thus would never come close to interacting with you.

So what's my point here? None. Except I think this 3:40am blog post only illustrates one fact. I really need to go to sleep. Like really badly. Good night.

waking up in the city that never sleeps

Ok, I admit. It's been a loooooong time since I've written anything. But I really do have a good excuse this time. I moved clear across the country to New York and have been preoccupied with fixing up and selling my house in Pasadena, quiting my old job, starting a new job in NYC, finding a new apartment, learning how to get around the city, figure out the subway system, poke around for decent spots to eat, and basically meeting a whole new social network. So other than that, I guess I've just been twiddling my thumbs.

What brought me to the east coast, you ask? Well, two main reasons. A great job opportunity at an up and coming mobile services company, as well as the realization that if ever there was a time to try living in NYC, now would be it. If I let one or two more years go by, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't drop everything to make the move. And what's the worst that could happen? Even if I hated it, I could make my way back to California without too much trouble. So I bit the bullet and sold my worldly possessions (well in the process of trying to sell them, anyway) and headed East.

I remember when I started telling people I was moving out here. The common response was, "what, New York? You? Seriously?" And while I'd like to call my friends jerks for being skeptical, I really can't blame them. Why would a guy who hated walking, isn't fond of crowds, loves the beach, and has a bitter fear of cold winter days, choose NYC as a target destination? On paper, this made about as much sense as creating a reality show around the former lead singer of Poison. But if Bret Michaels can pose as the rock and roll version of the Bachelor, surely I could adjust to life in the Big Apple.

And you know what? NYC has been a blast. I've met a lot of new people, gotten to experience a whole new way of life, and overall am very happy I made the move. Keep in mind, the muggy summer heat hasn't really decended upon me yet. And I have yet to make it through a winter. So let's not be too hasty and call it a fairy tale ending. For now, I'm just glad to report that I'm a New Yorker, and so far, I'm loving it.

Take that, skeptical friends!

poor miss usa

In last night's Miss Universe pageant, our very own Miss USA, Rachel Smith, had a night to remember. Oh, it's not like she won or anything. She came in 4th runner up, which in itself is really not all that memorable.

But she did fall on her ass in front of the world on live TV, so that was notable. And she was constantly booed throughout the night by the Mexico City crowd, who reports say were voicing their opposition to illegal imigration laws in the US (although I like to think they booed her because she would not shut up about her time in the Oprah leadership camp). So all in all, despite losing, Rachel Smith will be talked about and remembered. At least until tomorrow, at which point we'll immediately forget her.

odd video of the day

Wow. Japanese cartoon land is a wonderous place. I mean any place where confetti rains on you every time you go number two must be pretty awesome, right?



If anyone actually speaks Japanese, can you confirm that the subtitle translations are accurate?

when you need to see baby animals and hot babes

I have a module that was defaulted on the new My Yahoo! homepage I set up that shows me the most emailed photos of the day. And the thing I've noticed over time is that there are only two types of photos that ever appear in here. Cute animals and hot babes. Nothing in between.

I wonder which ones are most emailed by women and which ones are most emailed by men. Hmmm...

See for yourself:
http://news.yahoo.com/photos/gallery/1756

an interesting ad for wendy's

Hey boys and girls, it's David Hasselhoff enjoying a Wendy's hamburger. Looks fun, where can I get one?

(not so) shocking news of the day...

Today's (not so) shocking news item comes from the Christian Science Monitor:

Key US Army Ranks Begin To Thin
By Gordon Lubold, Staff writer of The Christian Science Monitor

Thousands more mid-level enlisted soldiers are leaving the Army than in each of the past two years, forcing the service to increase its use of pay-to-stay programs and find other ways to keep GIs in the fold.

This truly is (not so) shocking, isn't it? People leaving the Army in droves? Any it's really hard to incent them to stay?

What reason could they have for leaving? I mean, it's not like we're entrenched in a meaningless war over questionable motives, leaving the country we invaded even more divided and unstable than when we arrived, with the President refusing to create an exit plan simply out of ego and hubris, right? What's that? We ARE entrenched in that exact scenario?

Wow. What a baffling problem for the Army. I really can't think of any reason why they can't get soldiers to stick around. Not a one...

feel good story of the day...

Yes everyone, it's today's feel good story... that makes me completely uncomfortable. From the AFP comes this heartwarming tale of a blind pilot who flew halfway around the world:

SYDNEY (AFP) - A blind British pilot landed his microlight aircraft in Sydney Monday to complete a record-breaking flight halfway around the world.

Miles Hilton-Barber left London on March 7 and flew more than 21,000 kilometres (13,500 miles) to raise funds to fight blindness in developing countries.

"I've wanted to be a pilot since I was a kid. Now I'm totally blind and I've had the privilege of flying more than halfway around the world. The big deal is not me doing this, it's raising funds," he said.

Hilton-Barber, who has been blind for 25 years, hopes the trip will raise some two million US dollars for the charity Seeing is Believing, which works to cut the incidence of preventable blindness in developing countries.

To recap -- a guy who has been totally blind for 25 years was allowed to fly an object into the sky for over 13,500 miles. Look, kudos to Mr. Hilton-Barber for pulling off the feat, but why did anyone feel like this was a good idea?

What's that sir? You want to be a pilot? And you can't see anything? Totally and completely blind? Well... how far do you want to fly this plane? Oh, halfway around the world? And again, you're totally blind? Um... SURE! Let's DO IT!

responsible journalism is a dying art

I hate Geraldo Rivera. I know that's not the most groundbreaking statement ever uttered. I don't hate him because he's a smarmy nutjob who for some unknown reason still gets paid millions to perpetuate sensationalistic journalism. Well, ok, I do hate him for precisely this reason.

His utterly ridiculous report during the Virginia Tech shooting really highlighted Geraldo at his absolute worst. Just hours after the shooting, Geraldo decided to pay no attention to the facts and instead shifted the focus away from the victims of the tragedy over to the the most sensational angle he could find. I actually saw this clip live and was disgusted:



At the time I had no idea whether the Facebook profile he pulled up was indeed the actual shooter, but I knew that Geraldo himself had no idea either. In the days to come, the student's profile that Geraldo pulled up was proven not to have any link to the actual Virginia Tech shooter. The page belonged to another VT student, Wayne Chiang, who definitely has some personal issues of his own, but has handled the attention with surprising grace, stating in his blog:

Please remember: the real tragedy isn't the racist remarks going on, false accusations, ineffectiveness of the administration, or gun control rights. These things are superficial. This time period will be the darkest of Hokie history...

I want to further reiterate that there is no "tragedy" concerning me. Instead, we should turn our attention to those in need down at Virginia Tech.

The recklessness Geraldo showed by pushing this "news" story goes beyond anything like Don Imus' transgressions against the Rutgers women's basketball team. Yet Imus got canned, and Geraldo gets to continue reporting his idea of the facts. How is this acceptable?

boto dolphins suck

I was watching a Discovery Channel HD show called Planet Earth this afternoon (by the way, one of *the* most amazing nature programs ever made -- I'm not a huge nature freak by any means, but this show is fantastic, especially in HD). Today's show centered around the creatures who live in various rivers and lakes around the world. I had heard about the Amazon's freshwater dolphins, also known as boto dolphins, back in elementary school, but I completely forgot what they looked like. Until now:




Um... gross? What kind of ugly, warped creature is that? Give me a good ol' bottlenose dolphin any day:



Uh huh. That's how we do it. How about a solo shot?



Bottlenose. Best dolphin *ever*.

speaking of bad days...

I present to you all the best video clip ever:

you think *you* had a bad day?

Remember that "You Had a Bad Day" song they'd play for each contestant as they got voted off American Idol last season? Well, someone should play it for Taiwanese zoo worker, Chang Po-yu today. From the Associated Press:

Crocodile chomps off zoo worker's arm

TAIPEI, Taiwan - A zoo worker had his forearm reattached Thursday after his colleagues recovered the severed limb from the mouth of a 440-pound Nile crocodile, an official said.

The crocodile severed Chang Po-yu's forearm on Wednesday at the Shaoshan Zoo in the southern city of Kaohsiung when the veterinarian tried to retrieve a tranquilizer dart from the reptile's hide, zoo officials said.

The Liberty Times newspaper said Chang failed to notice the crocodile was not fully anesthetized when he stuck his arm through an iron rail to medicate it.

If the story wasn't bad enough, check out the photos:





* Thanks to Mark for digging up the story!

fare thee well, arron

UCLA shooting guard, Arron Afflalo, has declared himself for the NBA Draft yet again, and this time there's no going back. There's two things I've always wondered about Arron:

1) Why is his first name spelled with two R's instead of two A's?
2) Why does his last name have that extraneous L in it?

Really, wouldn't it have been easier for everyone involved if he was just Aaron Affalo? Would it have killed him to make those changes to make our lives a little easier? I think not.

In any case, since I broke down the strengths and weaknesses for Jordan Farmar last year, I figure might as well do the same for Arron, so here goes:

Strengths

• He's a willing defender - Arron works really hard to shut down any player he's matched up against. He takes every one on one matchup to heart, and despite limited lateral quickness, almost always manages to stay in front of his man. He won't necessarily generate a ton of steals, like speedy teammate Darren Collison, but his man will find it difficult to get a clean shot off when Afflalo clamps down.
  
• He can hit the open three - Afflalo has a quick release with nice form on his shot. He's adept at coming off screens while still being in position to drain the outside J.
  
• He is a great finisher - Despite his limited jumping ability, Afflalo has a knack for getting the ball in the rim on breaks, no matter what the defender tries to do to stop him.
  
• He's a solid guy - Always a team player, always says the right thing to the media, always wants to win. Really, just a stand-up kid.

Weaknesses

• He's not the most athletic kid in the world - Arron lacks the explosive jumping ability you usually see in NBA 2-guards these days. He is more of a jumpshooter than a rim rocker. He might have trouble getting his own shot in the NBA unless he comes off a ton of screens.
  
• He has a tendency to crumble under pressure - In the biggest games of his career versus Florida, Afflalo was all but invisible. In a few key games this season, such as losses to Cal in the Pac-10 Tournament and NCAA Tourney games against Indiana and Pittsburgh, Afflalo struggled mightly to make shots. The worse things got, the more he pressed, which only compounded the poor shooting.
  
• He needs some Pro-Activ solution - Look the kid can't help that he's got major acne all over his face, but at some point, the boy has to become a man. Follow P Diddy and Jessica Simpsons example, and use your signing bonus to buy some Pro-Activ, won't you?

All things considered, the very best case scenario I see for Afflalo in the NBA is a career like Bruce Bowen or Raja Bell. Glue guys who are known for their fierce D, but can also hit the open three when called upon.

The question is this -- would you use a first round pick in the hope that he can turn into Raja Bell? At best? I'm worried many NBA teams will say no, and drop Afflalo into the second round, where his contract would not be guaranteed. If this happens, I'm not sure Arron will look back on his decision to leave as a wise one. I hope however, that things work out.

Good luck Arron! See you in the NBA.

pool tricks are for kids

It's late and all that's on television at this hour is some sort of this best trick pool competition on ESPN. This one guy just set up two rows of dominos protecting the pockets on opposite ends of the table, and the setup is as follows -- the cue ball has to jump over the first wall of dominos, bounce on the middle of the table, clear the second wall of dominos, and drop another ball into the corner pocker on the other side.

The commentator follows up this setup by saying "it's not as easy as it sounds, because he has to make that ball in on the other end." Then he reiterates his comment another 2 times repeating the caveat that "it's really not as easy as it sounds." Um, in what world does that trick sound so easy that it needs a caveat? I think one thing is clear... I really need to go to bed.

I couldn't find the trick in question, so instead I found this video for you to enjoy. The tricks are pretty amazing and the dude performing the tricks is sufficiently goofy looking, but what's with the choice of Hoobastank as the background music? Is that what gets pool players pumped up? Again, I really just need to go to bed.

ford is run by the devil

Just read an article on CNNmoney.com that talks about how Ford's CEO, Alan Mulally, got $28 million dollars as a pat on the back for running Ford into a $12.7 billion (yes, billion with a "b") deficit for 2006.

The article notes the following:

His base salary was $666,667, which works out to annual pay of about $2 million. He also received restricted stock grants, which the company valued at $920,404, as well as 3 million stock options valued at $7.8 million. The stock options are not yet exercisable, and they have an exercise price of $8.28, or about 4 percent above current prices.

Hold up... a base salary of $666,667? That's probably rounded up from $666,666.66666666666666666. Hello, Ford? Repeating 666's? Is this not the first sign that you've hired the devil? And you're suprised you lost $12.7 billion because why?

hillary is nothing if not consistent

Hillary Rodham Clinton in 2006:



Hillary Rodham Clinton in 2007:

alanis' humps

Alanis Morissette has recorded an uber-dramatic version of the Black Eyed Peas classic, My Humps. The parody video takes a barrel of digs at Fergie and the Peas, so that's always a plus. Check it out -- it's not often you get to see Alanis' humps, and her lovely lady lumps as well.

congratulations to discover card!

...for creating what is sure to be the least requested credit card ever:

red pandas suck

News story from Sydney, Australia:

Twelve week old male Red Panda cubs, Jishnu, left, and Tenzin, go on show to the public at Taronga Zoo in Sydney, Australia, on Wednesday, March 28, 2007.

Red pandas... that sounds pretty interesting. Then I saw a couple pictures of them:




Um, that's just a red raccoon, man. If that's a red panda, give me a real panda any day:



Oh yeah, that's the stuff... give me one more, baby:



That's how real pandas roll. Yeah, what's up red panda? You think you're so damn cute? You got served, yo.

starbury isn't all that bad, i guess

I had heard a while back about New York Knicks guard, Stephon Marbury (or as he refers to himself, "Starbury"), endorsing a line of sneakers that cost only $14.98 a pair, but I never thought much about it at the time. Earlier today, it was reported that Marbury has enlisted Ben Wallace to join the effort to bring affordable footwear to the market.

"Kids don't really understand what it takes to go out and buy a pair of $300 pair of shoes," Wallace said at a news conference on Tuesday. "We don't understand the pressure we put on our parents when we're growing up. This is one of the things where I think the parents will appreciate it a lot more than the kids right now because it eliminates so much stress from the parents. All parents want to see their kids have nice things."

Launched a year ago, the Starbury line is expanding from 50 products to 200 — nearly all available for $14.98 or less at Steve & Barry's University Sportswear. It includes a joggers shoe, skater shoe, casual shoe, gym shoe, woven shirts, jackets, jeans, T-shirts, shorts, hats and other accessories.

At a time when youngsters feel pressure to wear expensive brands of shoes and clothing and are even being killed for what's on their feet, Marbury and Wallace are trying to provide an alternative.

I was never a big Stephon Marbury fan, but applaud this cause. These shoes are no worse in quality than shoes sold for 7, 8, 9 or even over 10 times the price by Nike, Adidas, and Puma. There have always been cheap sneaker alternatives (like the infamous Payless Shoe Source, ProWings brand), but none with the cache of two NBA hoop stars standing behind the product (which could save today's kids from the "cheapskate!" taunts that plagued me during my elementary school years -- hey, I'm Chinese... that's how we roll).

In any case, the shoes actually look pretty nifty. You can reserve your own pair here. I recommend the patriotic red, white and blues. If nothing else, you can hang them up on your flagpole if you end up not liking them.

VT alums are apparently highly caffeinated

If you guys have been watching the NCAA Tournament at all the past couple weeks, surely you've come across the following commercial. It features a Virginia Tech alumnus who has a ritual for VT games involving Coca-Cola.

The basic jist is that he always has to hold a can of Coke in his hands for the duration of the game. There's also some superstition about needing to crack open a new can before taking the final sip of the old can. So far, this seems reasonable enough.

Then the guy mentions that once the can is empty, he uses it to build out the VT logo, and the camera pans down to about 20 Coke cans lined up on a coffee table. Are you telling me that this guy drinks 20-25 cans of Coke during a single game? How is this possible? Shouldn't he be dead at this point?

Don't get me wrong, anyone who knows me knows that I'm a big fan of Coca-Cola. But even for me, after about three Cokes, all that acidity starts to get a little disgusting. I can't even imagine what it would feel like after the 25th Coke. Ick.

Here's the commercial, in case you wanted to see the magic for yourself:

jeff garcia? really?

NFL quarterback, Jeff Garcia (formerly of the 49ers, Browns, Lions, and Eagles), just got engaged to marry Carmella DeCesare, the 2004 Playboy Playmate of the Year. Yes, this is the same Jeff Garcia who sparked this response from Terrell Owens in a Playboy interview back in 2004:

PLAYBOY: Former 49er and current Cleveland Browns quarterback Jeff Garcia, with whom you played for years, has denied media rumors that he's gay. What do you think?

OWENS: Like my boy tells me: If it looks like a rat and smells like a rat, by golly, it is a rat.

Not that Owens should be taken as an authority on much of anything, but what to make of this marriage if he's even vaguely correct? Maybe it's an elaborate Can't Buy Me Love-type setup, with Garcia in the Patrick Dempsey role. He probably told Carmella that he'd buy her a white leather jacket to replace the one she stole from her mom and ruined, but only if she'd pretend to be his wife to dispel any lasting rumors about his sexual orientation (not that there's anything wrong with that... as the Seinfeld crew might say).

In any case, look for Jeff and Carmella to cruise into the sunset on a riding lawnmower very soon.

Just to recap... this guy:



Somehow landed this girl:



Even though he also takes photos like this:



But his mom likes it, so he's got that going for him... which is nice:

sanjaya makes the ladies weep

So I'm watching American Idol (TiVo delayed, of course -- the only way this bloated show is vaguely watchable), and I was about to fast forward through Sanjaya Malakar's performance when I noticed a girl in the crowd that was literally brought to tears by his singing.

If you've watched Idol at all this season, you know first-hand how non-tear-invoking Sanjaya should be. He's a wispy Indian kid with a weak voice and an effeminate stage presence. But I guess that hits a very special spot for some people.

In the little girl's defense, she was only like 10 or 11, so theoretically My Little Pony could bring her to tears as well.

Just to recap... this guy:



Made a little girl do this: