It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Well, alright, it was neither of the two. But 2004 still produced some of the most interesting moments in entertainment history. Like what, you ask? Well, perhaps like these ten moments -- the Top Ten Entertainment Moments of 2004.
I know what you're thinking, we're three full months deep into 2005, why now? Well, the simple answer is this -- you need to take a little time to distance yourself in order to make an objective judgment on the events of the past. Well, that and I've just been a lazy bastard and haven't gotten around to creating this list until now. Ah well. Without further ado...
10. Super Bowl Shocker - What list of 2004 would be complete without the most infamous halftime show in all of sports history? Yeah, the game turned out to be a good one, but can you even name the team that the Patriots beat in 2004? Yet who among us could forget the biggest wardrobe malfunction this side of Z Cavaricci. After singing a tune with Justin Timberlake, hot of the heels of the lyrics, "Bet I'll have you naked by the end of this song," Janet Jackson's left boob made a special guest appearance on the Houston field, star-shaped metallic nipple shield and all. It caused such a hoopla, that the entire criteria for evaluating indecency on TV came under review by the FCC. Now that's a pretty powerful nipple.
9. The Bombing Continues -- Since this is a list of the top ten entertainment moments, I'm not talking about anything war-related here. I'm talking about our Boston Red Sox loving, J.Lo ass kissing (quite literally in the "Jenny From the Block" video), Jennifer Garner dating pal, Ben Affleck. The anticipated blockbuster turned ho-hummer, Daredevil, followed by the unbelievably bad Gigli, quickly followed by ok-but-still-not-fantastic Jersey Girl, and capped off by the box office snoozer Surviving Christmas. If Ben Affleck was a stock, he'd be Enron. Why does this guy still have a career? Is he really that good looking? That charismatic? How long before the statute of limitations wears out on his Good Will Hunting Oscar?
8. Goodbye Must See TV - Friends has bid a fond farewell, and with that tip of the hat, I bring you the Joey era. Doesn't quite have the same ring to it, does it? Add to that the horrendous decline of Will and Grace, and Must See TV on NBC has become an oxymoron. Speaking of Will and Grace, can you name another sitcom that has decayed as fast as this one? Will and Grace used to be laugh out loud funny. Now all of the characters are just caricatures of themselves. The show is about as enjoyable as watching my Dad lounge around at home during the summer with his shirt off. Good luck NBC on reviving this franchise. You're going to need it.
7. Olympics 2004 - Am I the only one who loves the Olympics like most fat kids love Aunt Jemima? Maybe so, but you can't deny that the Athens Olympics had some great moments. Like the USA Women's Softball team demolishing the competition to take the gold medal with ease. Or Michael Phelps setting Olympic records left and right, but still falling just short of his goal to top Mark Spitz's long standing total gold medals count. Or even the crappy USA Men's Basketball team losing the gold medal despite fielding a team of NBA all-stars. I gave up a couple weeks of sleep to catch the live coverage from Athens, and even though I can't name more than about 0.16% of the total winners, I still don't regret it. Long live the Games of the XXVIII Olympiad!
6. The Trials and Tribulations of Ashlee Simpson - Take one talentless sister of a well know ditz, make her "sing" live on national television, play the wrong lip-sync track on air, allow her to do a jig after said guffaw, add one dressing room meltdown, follow all of this up with a healthy dose of booing at the college football National Championship game (which actually happened in 2005, but only by 3 days, so i'm counting this among Ashlee's 2004 transgressions) and what do you have? Ashlee Nicole Simpson. It's not her fault that she's not talented, but it IS her fault that she insists on parading her talentless ass in front of us constantly. Ok, we get it. You're famous for no reason and you're having the time of your life. Enough already!
Yes, you may now catch your breath. Part II will be on its way shortly...
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