top ten moments of 2004 - part II

Alright, now that you've had the chance to digest the first half of the top ten countdown, let's continue down through the bottom half. What's with that picture, by the way? I have no idea. Just thought it looked cool. Anyway, here's the rest of the Top Ten Entertainment Moments of 2004:

5. Sox Win! Sox Win! - The 2004 World Series transcends the world of sports, as the Boston Red Sox finally break the Curse of the Bambino. Even non-sports fans knew of the futility of the Red Sox and were drawn to watching the hapless ones overcome a 3-0 deficit versus their arch-rivals, the New York Yankees. From there it was a foregone conclusion as they swept the St. Louis Cardinals to capture their first championship in 84 years. The good? Seeing the city of Boston rejoice, as the chip was finally hoisted off their shoulders. The bad? All of the friggin' celebrities who suddenly started sporting Red Sox caps like they knew it would happen all along. The absolutely unforgivable? Jimmy Fallon and Drew Barrymore running onto the field to film a screen kiss for their movie Fever Pitch, thus spoiling a momentous occasion for all Sox fans. Fallon, you screwed up every SNL sketch you were in with your idiotic giggling and inability to keep a straight face. Did you have to screw this moment up too? Geez. Despite this sour note, the victory was still one of the most entertaining of the year, landing it in the top five for 2004.

4. Election 2004 - It was the most hotly contested Presidential election, since, well... the last election we had in 2000. Because of this, the entertainment world felt that they had to throw their two cents in this time and see if they could sway the 2004 Election in their favor. Thus, the return of the propaganda film in the form of Fahrenheit 9/11. Fahrenheit 9/11 became the highest grossing documentary of all time, focusing on the scandals and shortcomings of good ol' Dubya, helping to achieve a resounding victory for John Kerry. What's that you say? John Kerry lost? But didn't Tim Robbins, Susan Sarandon, and Sean Penn also put their celebrity cred on the line in the push to evict Bush? Yes, you say? And yet they failed too? Hmmm... what's that say about America when our finest movie actors and directors can't even win a damn election? The next thing you'll be telling me is Julia Roberts won't be able to bring stability to Iraq simply with the sound of her charming yet boisterous laugh.

3. Religion as Entertainment - Mel Gibson's epic film, The Passion of the Christ rules the box office, despite critics' claims that Mel was loonier than Anne Heche for even attempting to make this movie. The Passion was released amid controversy that it was anti-semitic and way too violent, but people still came in droves and walked away awed and moved. The movie even spurred numerous television shows and specials about Jesus, further illustrating what an impact it had on the entertainment world. Mel went from Hollywood pariah to entertainment mogul with one of the riskiest movie choices in recent memory. For sticking to his faith, taking a chance, and ultimately proving the critics wrong, Mel Gibson makes the Top Ten for 2004.

2. She's Not a Girl, Not Yet a Twice Divorced Woman - Britney Spears gets married! Um... to the guy who played George in Seinfeld? Oh no, some other dude named Jason Alexander. Oh. Alright. Wait, the marriage was annulled? Oh. Great! Back on the market, alright Brit! What's that? She's now engaged to some dude who fathered two children with a bit part actress on Moesha? In fact, they're now married? Now that's where I draw the line. Come on, you're telling me this is the best she could do? Britney Spears? I remember a time when she could have had pretty much any guy she wanted. Now I can't imagine anyone going near her with a ten foot pole when she gets divorced. And believe me, she will be divorced soon enough. Maybe she's some sort of modern day Cinderella, the clock struck midnight, and her mansion turned back into a trailer park. All I can say is someone find that damn glass slipper, STAT!

1. Answer... Ken Jennings - Question... Who is the most amazing Jeopardy contestant of all time? 74 straight wins, $2.5 million in prize money, Ken Jennings was a frickin' machine. And it's not just the fact that he won, it was how he won. Ken ripped the Jeopardy mic like a vandal, lit up the stage and waxed the other chumps like candles. It was amazing. The score heading into Final Jeopardy was usually something like KJ - $15k, next closet competitor - $2k, last place and proud owner of the Jeopardy travel edition as a parting gift - Negative $5k. Every episode. This must have been what it was like to see Michael Jordan in his prime. Just unstoppable and far and away the best player every to play the game. Even his opponents treated him like he was a deity, just happy to be in his presence and answer a couple of questions before being sent back to obscurity. And then the unthinkable happened. The mighty KJ was taken out by answering "Fed-Ex" when the world so obviously knew "H&R Block" was correct. Just like that, the mighty warrior had fallen. Like seeing an aging Babe Ruth or Hank Aaron struggle to play in their golden years, the defeated Ken Jennings suddenly looked smaller and more meek. However, no one will ever forget the most amazing run in TV game show history. The NUMBER ONE entertainment moment of 2004.

Disagree with this list? Have some others that I've missed? Add your comments below, people, and let the world know...

the top ten moments of 2004 - part I

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Well, alright, it was neither of the two. But 2004 still produced some of the most interesting moments in entertainment history. Like what, you ask? Well, perhaps like these ten moments -- the Top Ten Entertainment Moments of 2004.

I know what you're thinking, we're three full months deep into 2005, why now? Well, the simple answer is this -- you need to take a little time to distance yourself in order to make an objective judgment on the events of the past. Well, that and I've just been a lazy bastard and haven't gotten around to creating this list until now. Ah well. Without further ado...

10. Super Bowl Shocker - What list of 2004 would be complete without the most infamous halftime show in all of sports history? Yeah, the game turned out to be a good one, but can you even name the team that the Patriots beat in 2004? Yet who among us could forget the biggest wardrobe malfunction this side of Z Cavaricci. After singing a tune with Justin Timberlake, hot of the heels of the lyrics, "Bet I'll have you naked by the end of this song," Janet Jackson's left boob made a special guest appearance on the Houston field, star-shaped metallic nipple shield and all. It caused such a hoopla, that the entire criteria for evaluating indecency on TV came under review by the FCC. Now that's a pretty powerful nipple.

9. The Bombing Continues -- Since this is a list of the top ten entertainment moments, I'm not talking about anything war-related here. I'm talking about our Boston Red Sox loving, J.Lo ass kissing (quite literally in the "Jenny From the Block" video), Jennifer Garner dating pal, Ben Affleck. The anticipated blockbuster turned ho-hummer, Daredevil, followed by the unbelievably bad Gigli, quickly followed by ok-but-still-not-fantastic Jersey Girl, and capped off by the box office snoozer Surviving Christmas. If Ben Affleck was a stock, he'd be Enron. Why does this guy still have a career? Is he really that good looking? That charismatic? How long before the statute of limitations wears out on his Good Will Hunting Oscar?

8. Goodbye Must See TV - Friends has bid a fond farewell, and with that tip of the hat, I bring you the Joey era. Doesn't quite have the same ring to it, does it? Add to that the horrendous decline of Will and Grace, and Must See TV on NBC has become an oxymoron. Speaking of Will and Grace, can you name another sitcom that has decayed as fast as this one? Will and Grace used to be laugh out loud funny. Now all of the characters are just caricatures of themselves. The show is about as enjoyable as watching my Dad lounge around at home during the summer with his shirt off. Good luck NBC on reviving this franchise. You're going to need it.

7. Olympics 2004 - Am I the only one who loves the Olympics like most fat kids love Aunt Jemima? Maybe so, but you can't deny that the Athens Olympics had some great moments. Like the USA Women's Softball team demolishing the competition to take the gold medal with ease. Or Michael Phelps setting Olympic records left and right, but still falling just short of his goal to top Mark Spitz's long standing total gold medals count. Or even the crappy USA Men's Basketball team losing the gold medal despite fielding a team of NBA all-stars. I gave up a couple weeks of sleep to catch the live coverage from Athens, and even though I can't name more than about 0.16% of the total winners, I still don't regret it. Long live the Games of the XXVIII Olympiad!

6. The Trials and Tribulations of Ashlee Simpson - Take one talentless sister of a well know ditz, make her "sing" live on national television, play the wrong lip-sync track on air, allow her to do a jig after said guffaw, add one dressing room meltdown, follow all of this up with a healthy dose of booing at the college football National Championship game (which actually happened in 2005, but only by 3 days, so i'm counting this among Ashlee's 2004 transgressions) and what do you have? Ashlee Nicole Simpson. It's not her fault that she's not talented, but it IS her fault that she insists on parading her talentless ass in front of us constantly. Ok, we get it. You're famous for no reason and you're having the time of your life. Enough already!

Yes, you may now catch your breath. Part II will be on its way shortly...

the year of the yao...

This past weekend I got to experience the magic that is Yao. Yes my friends, as part of the NAATA Asian American Film Festival (which concludes this weekend in San Jose), I saw the documentary, The Year of the Yao.

For those of you who may not know who Yao Ming is, he's the All-Star center for the Houston Rockets, first pick of the 2002 NBA Draft, and a native of Shanghai, China. Yao is the first foreign born player drafted #1, and this documentary shows the trials and tribulations of his transition to the U.S. and the NBA.

As an aside, I've always been fascinated with Yao's story. Heck, a friend and I even put together the Yao Minute website to pay homage to our hoops playing pal. I remember reading about Yao when he first declared for the draft. NBA scouts compared his "upside" as being the next Rik Smits. All I could think was, Rik Smits? Really? That's worth a #1 pick? Who's going #2? The next Joe Barry Carroll? Luckily Yao has exceeded these early expectations -- although for a 7'5" dude, he still only rebounds about as well as Emmanuel Lewis at a pickup game at the YMCA.

The film itself lightly touches upon the major plot points of Yao's journey while never quite delving into what makes Yao tick. We see that his early days in the NBA were difficult, mostly due to his inability to speak the language. However, all of the sudden Yao shines in the later part of his rookie year with the Rockets. How did he make the leap? Did his English improve so he could understand the coaches? Was it merely being a bigger part of the Rockets offense that got him working harder? Did his teammates get more comfortable with him and just pass it to him more? We never really know. He just got better, and now he's one of the game's greats. End of story.

Similarly, we hear about the weight that representing China as a hoops playing ambassador had on Yao's life. However, we don't get a window into how this affects Yao. Is it a burden? Is he a proud ambassador? Is he merely playing the role of the good soldier? Again, we never really know. It's a passing side plot and completely disposable -- kind of like cousin Oliver on the Brady Bunch.

Instead of the story behind the story, we're just spoon-fed your basic coming to America success story puntuated by SportsCenter highlights of Yao's best and worst moments. The fact that NBA Entertainment played a large role in the making of this documentary probably has a lot to do with this. For them, all they see is a vehicle for pushing the game both here and internationally. Yao's backstory doesn't sell the NBA. Yao dunking over Shaq does. So that's what we see, which is fine if I'm watching NBA Inside Stuff at home on my couch, but I didn't feel as if I learned anything new about Yao after watching this documetary.

Despite my criticisms, I walked out of the movie theater entertained. The packaging of the movie was well done, and the clips were well put together to tell the story through the basketball highlights. However, as a doumentary, it had about as much substance as the "Donna Martin Graduates" episode of 90210. Still, on the Salinger Scale (where a party of five is the highest rating) I'm holding a reservation for Julia, Bailey, and Claudia. 3 Salingers for The Year of the Yao.

10 years ago...

Yesterday marked Yahoo!'s 10th birthday. For those of you who don't know, I currently work at the big Y!, so it was quite a momentous day. So momentous, in fact, Sugar Ray came out of their 90's time capsule to perform for us. Yes, that Sugar Ray. You know, the ones that just want to fly. It was actually a fun little bash, so kudos to you Mark McGrath for an entertaining little show. Yes that Mark McGrath, new host of TV's Extra.

Anyhow, the day's festivities got me thinking about my first experiences with the Internet. I think back to my very first email address back at UCLA. Back in 1995 we didn't get to choose an email addy, we were just assigned a random sequence of letters and numbers. My email addy? IZZY7OS@ucla.edu. Why do I remember that? Perhaps it's because my good ol' IZZY mail got taken away for improper use.

You see, with my first email address I only knew about 6 people I could actually write to. That was about the extent of it. And once you fired off these emails, people weren't in the habit of checking in daily, so there was generally some gaps in response time.

One day, I checked my mail and found that I had nothing to reply to. Instead of just logging out and leaving the computer lab, I decided to surf through the campus email directory. For some reason, it was ok to post everyone's names that signed up for a UCLA email account at that time, so you could surf through it and pick out people to send messages to. Sure, I could have looked for the names of my friends, but what would be the fun in that?

Instead I chose to email students who had the misfortune of sharing names with famous people. I usually stuck with popular actors' names from the world of TV, like Ted Danson, for instance. Most would respond with a laugh and an, "I get that all the time" type email. However, I distinctly remember emailing a kid named Henry Winkler and asking him what it felt like to be the Fonz. I followed that up something like, "Say 'hi' to Potsie and Ralph Malph when you see them. Ayyyyyyyy!" Apparently Mr. Winkler didn't find this funny since he reported me to the UCLA computer lab and had my account suspended. Can you believe that? Frickin' Fake Fonzie told on me. For someone who's mantra was "be cool," this guy certainly wasn't.

In the end I had to beg to have my account reinstated, and I never did email any more "celebrities" after that. So Fake Fonzie, here's to you buddy. I almost wish I could find you today so I could tell you "Hey, remember tattling on me 10 years ago? Well I work at Yahoo! now, bitch. I'm deactivating your Yahoo! Mail account so you can see what you put me through. Say 'hi' to Potsie and Ralph Malph for me... oh wait, you can't since I shut down your email. Ayyyyyyyyyy!"