I've decided to review the movie Hitch for all of you faithful blog readers out there. Yes, all two of you. The hitch (get it? hitch? like the name of the movie? oh forget it...) -- I haven't actually seen the movie. I actually don't plan to. But I've seen the trailer a couple of times and the commercials seem to play non-stop. I've also seen Independence Day and countless Fresh Prince of Bel Air episodes, so I've seen more than enough Will Smith to make a blind judgement call on Hitch, right? Right. Here goes...
Hitch is your typical romantic comedy, with Will Smith playing the title character -- a smooth talking, debonair, man's man who can make any woman's heart melt with his words and actions. Hitch is so smooth he pimps out his advice to anyone with a blank check, and a lack of basic social skills.
Enter the dude from King of Queens, who plays, um... well some guy who's all awkward and clumsy and stuff. He's rich and he's in love with this gal, who looks an awful like model Amber Valleta. Of course outside of the confines of this movie, she would never give this goofball the time of day, but we suspend disbelief because hey, we paid 12 bucks for this movie so we kinda have to.
Hitch teaches King of Queens guy some smooth lines, some dance moves, and sends him on his way. I'm going to guess King of Queens and model gal end up dating, King of Queens guy makes a fool of himself, King of Queens guy figures he's blown it, model gal actually finds him endearing, King of Queens guy comes clean about Hitch, model gal says I like you for you, and they fall in love at the end. Awww... how sweet. And not at all predictable. No really, I never saw that coming.
In a "shocking" twist, Hitch meets the girl from 2 Fast 2 Furious and falls in love at first sight. However, like that one episode of Happy Days where Mork comes to earth and steals Fonzie's cool, Hitch becomes as cool-free as Steven Urkel. We laugh at Hitch's hijinks as he accidentally kicks 2 Fast 2 Furious girl in the head as they jet-ski. We continue the guffaws as Hitch eats something he's allergic to, and his head swells up like a balloon. Oh Hitch. You're not a mack, you're just a human being looking to be loved. And love is more than just a couple suave lines, it's about being yourself. The key message of this movie -- it doesn't matter what level of television royalty you're at. Fresh Prince or King of Queens, we're all just the same underneath.
A predictable tale with some heartwarming moments, Hitch is like a Big Mac. Good every once in a while, but not really a satisfying meal. On the Salinger scale, where a Party of Five is the highest rating, Hitch invites Bailey, Charlie, and half an Owen to dinner. 2.5 Salingers.
Again, I have never seen Hitch, but I defy you to tell me that I haven't nailed this movie right on the head.
2 comments:
dead on. sadly, 10 bux poorer, i can confirm this.
technically, hitch is revealed by mistake in another way, but other than that you are pretty right. :D
i saw hitch, because sometimes it's satisfying to know what you're going to get.
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