a poetry moment... vol. 2

Here's the next batch of nonsensical poems I wrote at age 15 or 16. These will appear in the next issue of Recess, so think of it as a super sneak preview. A quick preface -- even at this young age I was amazingly mature, conquering topics such as supply-side economics, relationships and infidelity, and religion.

Without further ado...

Milk And Ham

Mounds of turkey
Mounds of beef
Where's the ham?
Says the lady
Go to HELL
Says the butcher

Ode to Patrick's New Chick (The Guitar Girl)

Her name is Cindy
But Patrick's chick's name is Kathy
What's going on here?
I thought Pat was gay

Soggy Pelvis

When Satan gets hungry
I bet he reaches
For a Snickers
Cuz those things
Really satisfy you

a poetry moment...

The following post originally appeared in the fantastic online zine, Recess, which you should definitely go read at http://www.recesstime.net.

When I was in high school, I found myself being inspired by two things - my English teacher and Saturday Night Live's Jack Handy. You see my English teacher, Ms. Allison, was big on self-expression, and along those lines, she inspired us to create a student-run journal, not unlike our beloved Recess.

As a recurring feature, I was to publish three nonsensical poems per issue, a la Jack Handy's Deep Thoughts, which used to be all the rage back in the day when Saturday Night Live was actually funny. I'm talking Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer, Church Lady, Wayne's World, Lothar of the Hill People, Dennis Miller doing Weekend Update back in the day here.

Alas, our student-run journal lasted only one issue, and thus left many of my brilliant musings undiscovered... until now. Like Geraldo delving into the depths to uncover the mysteries of Al Capone's vault, I cleaned out a couple of old boxes this weekend, and unlike Geraldo, actually found something in them - these old, unpublished high school poems.

So here goes. Three poems per issue, just like I promised way back in the day. In my own defense, I wrote these things over 10 years ago, so keep that in mind. Ok Ms. Allison... this one's for you!

Four Plus Six

Suicide Is Never the Answer
Ten Is the Answer

Sunset at Dawn

The mist rises from the ocean
As a breeze rolls by
Shaking the trees above
Making my genitals cold

Lincoln Logs

It's common knowledge that
If you pick up a penny
Heads up
You will have good luck
Not many people realize, however
If you pick up a penny
Tails up
A dog gets constipation