Don't Hide Money in Your Old Sh*t!

From Yahoo! News:

Israeli woman mistakenly junks $1 million mattress
By IAN DEITCH

JERUSALEM – An Israeli woman mistakenly threw out a mattress she said had almost $1 million inside, setting off a frantic search through tons of garbage at a number of landfill sites on Wednesday.

The woman told The Associated Press that she bought her elderly mother a new mattress as a surprise present on Monday — and threw out the old one.

The next day, she said, she remembered that she had hidden her life savings inside the old mattress. "I woke up in the morning screaming, when it hit me what happened," said the Tel Aviv woman, who asked not to be identified.

Oddly enough, this happened to my Dad a couple years ago, who for some unknown reason used to hide money in an old sport coat. The amount was nowhere near the earnings of a modest Israeli woman living with her mom (really, that's what single women living with their parents in Israel can amass these days? I'm definitely living in the wrong damn place).

My mom was doing some spring cleaning and of course she ran across some hideous 70's-style coats in my Dad's closet and decided to donate them to charity. When my Dad realized it, he freaked out, and my Mom went back to Goodwill to dig through piles and piles of clothes in search for the golden sport coat. Think it's hard to find a mattress in a dump? Try finding one article of clothing in a room filled with clothes donated over a series of months. Needless to say, she turned up empty.

The moral of the story? Buy old 70's sports coats from Goodwill and always choose matresses from the dumps of Israel. In this economy, it's probably your best bet.