and the oscar goes to...

Ah, Oscar night. There's really nothing like it, is there? Well, except for Emmy night, Golden Globe night, and Grammy night, I guess, but I digress. In any case, here's to the moments that stood out (to me anyhow) from the 79th Annual Academy Awards:

• Most Truthful Opening Monologue Line - Ellen DeGeneres stating, "It's not that we don't have time for long speeches, we just don't have time for boring speeches." Amen, sister. Amen. Spice it up, people!
• Most Tiresome Awards Show Act - Jack Black singing yet another over the top comedic rock tune. Ok, I get it, dude. I get it. Please stop.
• Oddest Hairdo - Will Ferrell, who showed up looking like Sideshow Bob. I really hope it's for a movie, and not just something he thought would look stellar on Oscar night.
• Most Strangely Buff Presenter - Jessica Biel. She used to be hot, but now she just frightens me.
• Worst Commercial - Some sort of birth control-related ad directing me to fewerperiods.com. Um, thanks but no thanks.
• Funniest Presenter - Jerry Seinfeld with his schtick on not having to clean up after yourself in a movie theater. I miss you, Jerry. Come back, won't you?
• Saddest Songstress - Beyonce Knowles, who desperately tried to out-sing her Dreamgirls co-star, Jennifer Hudson, but ended up getting upstaged instead.
• Lamest Oscar Acceptance Speech Ritual - Not letting the second member of a winning team say even a single word before getting played off by the orchestra. Come on, let that second Oscar winner thank their mom at least, won't you?
• Best Oscar Winner That I've Actually Had Dinner With - Ruby Yang, who won her Academy Award for Best Documentary Short Subject. She's the aunt of my Aussie pal, Natalie Yan. Congrats!
• Most Interesting Shadow Dancing Troupe Creation - I'm not sure why this was a part of the show, but if I had to choose one, I guess I'd pick the 007 gun. I guess.
• Oscar-Nominee Most "Moded" By Ellen - "Marky" Mark Wahlberg. During a comedic bit meant for Martin Scorsese, Ellen made some small talk with Mark Wahlberg, but had to cut him off when he refused to stop talking, and just walked past him. Ouch, Marky Mark. You got moded (for those of you not steeped in 80's schoolyard lingo, here's a definition).
• Most "Moded" Award, First-Runner Up - Clint Eastwood's wife, who's photo taking skills got dissed for Steven Spielberg.
• Dead Person With the Most Applause - Jack Palance. Robert Altman gave him a run at the end, but Jack pulled off the win, capped off by some one-armed push-ups in heaven.
• Most Questionable Ending - Jack Nicholson reading off The Departed as Best Picture winner. Isn't he a bit too biased to be presenting that award? What if The Departed wasn't even written on that card, and Jack just threw it out there? Would they stop the awards show, taser Jack, and read off the real winner instead, or just let The Departed win to save face? Makes you wonder...

What did you think? Did I miss any of your favorite moments?

deja vu all over again

I just got an email from my cell phone carrier proclaiming that "Cingular Wireless is now the new AT&T Wireless!" Truly exciting news if not for one glaring ommision -- Cingular Wireless was already the *old* AT&T Wireless. So bascially this carrier spent tens of millions of dollars to make all the old AT&T Wireless folks forget that they were ever AT&T users, and then a couple years later spent tens of millions of dollars to make sure that these exact same users remembered the AT&T name.

I guess it would be too much to ask for the money to go to something like upgrading cell phone towers to improve coverage. Then maybe that whole "fewest dropped calls of any carrier" campaign might actually be closer to the truth (on a side note, how are they measuring this? Because my calls drop CONSTANTLY. If this was claim was true, Sprint and Verizon must be dropping calls every 5 seconds by comparison).

Oh well, what do I know. Logic and big business don't mix, I should know this by now.

as seen on tv

As an avid television watcher and self proclaimed night owl, I have seen more than my fair share of infomercials. For some reason, this one product in particular stuck out in my mind -- the Quik Top.

What is the Quick Top, you ask? Well according to the website:

Quik Top is the revolutionary new can cap device that prevents spills and keeps your drinks fresh and carbonated by turning any can into a bottle. Quik Tops produce a watertight and airtight seal and they’re guaranteed never to leak.

So essentially, it's a lid that keeps any can of carbonated soda from going flat. Not a terrible idea on paper, but when's the last time you found yourself drinking a 12 ounce can of soda and just felt like there was absolutely no way you could finish it? And even if that were to happen, how much soda would there still be left in the can? Like 4 sips max? Is it really worth twenty bucks to save about 9 cents worth of soda?

I'm absolutely baffled by this product. If you're a Quik Top owner, please, I beg you, explain this to me, won't you?