diary of a madman

Dear Diary,

Today I went on Oprah, and I ROCKED IT!!! I mean seriously, is there a cooler guy on the planet than me right now? I bet you every girl in the audience was staring at me and thinking, damn, I want a piece of that! And rightfully so. It was like 1983 all over again. I might as well have slid out on stage in my tighty whiteys to a little Bob Seger. It was that kind of day, man. And did you see Oprah's face? I mean she was like "YOU GO GIRL!" Not that I'm a chick or anything. I'm far from it. I'm the muthaf'in MAN! That what Katie tells me too. She's always like, I used to have your poster up in my bedroom and now we're like doing it up in my bedroom. She's really eloquent like that. And you know what? I think I can get her to join me in the world of scientology. I think it would f'in ROCK if we like shared that together, you know? I think we're close, I can feel it. If L. Ron Hubbard was here, he'd be like, dude, good f'in job. Ah, it's good to be me.

Tom