can't stop the madness

It's late-March, and you know what that means. That's right, we're knee deep into the NCAA Hoops Tournament!

The first two rounds of the tournament have been filled with so many upsets, they made Crash's victory over Brokeback Mountain look like a sure bet. 6 of these 8 teams are in the Sweet Sixteen. Can you pick out the two that aren't: Bradley, George Mason, Kansas, Wichita State, Gonzaga, Boston College, Indiana, and West Virginia. If you picked two traditional hoops powerhouses -- Kansas and Indiana -- as the odd men out, you too have a case of March Madness.

Everyone and their mom's have their prediction for who will win this weekend, but I have a fail-safe formula to predict this weekend's winners. I haven't seen any college hoops pundits mention this yet, so you heard it here first!

In round one, we had a matchup of Bruins -- 2nd seeded UCLA versus 15th seeded Belmont. In the second round we had two Wildcats going at it -- Villanova versus Arizona. This coming Friday, the Huskies of UConn and Washington will square off. So in order to keep the streak alive, the only other possible matchup of like-minded mascots will pit the Tigers of LSU and Memphis in the Final Four. Crap, that doesn't bode well for my UCLA Bruins, but fate is fate, people. You just can't fight it.

Here's some other random observations on the weekend:

Fattest player with actual basketball talent:
Glen "Big Baby" Davis of LSU. Imagine Dom DeLuise executing a graceful spin-move in the middle of the key for an easy bucket and then eating a jelly donut. This is exactly what it is like to watch "Big Baby" play hoops. That nickname has to go though. You're not going to scare anyone with a name like that. I suggest "Fat Thunder" -- please pass it on.



Tourney player who most resembles TV's Urkel:
Mustafa Shakur of the University of Arizona (thanks to NBAdraft.net)



Worst facial hair:

Adam Morrison of Gonzaga. This isn't just for the NCAA tournament. This is the all-time worst facial hair ever. Yes, even worse than that wispy little moustache you had in your junior high yearbook photo.



Best team mascot:

The Wichita State Shockers. Which is a damn good name, but they would have sealed this award hands down if they kept their former team name -- the Wheatshockers. I mean look at their mascot:


Does that not strike fear into the hearts of any would-be opponent? Um... yeah.

Most Overrated Conference:
The Big Ten. Thanks for showing up boys. Oh wait, you didn't. Better luck next year.

Most Underrated Conference:
You could make a case for the Pac-10 here -- their teams were maligned all season long as weak, only to have UCLA and Washington in the Sweet Sixteen, with Zona giving #1 seed Villanova all it could handle on Sunday -- but I'm going to have to go with the Missouri Valley Conference. It was widely believed that the four bids given to the conference were a bit like nominating "It's So Hard Out Here for a Pimp" for an Academy Award. It would make for some interesting moments, but come on, there's no chance it could actually win. Well, as Three-6 Mafia proved on Oscar night, sometimes the unthinkable happens. Wichita State and Bradley are both in the Sweet Sixteen, playa. I guess it just got a little easier out here for a pimp.

Best Names:
Luc Richard Mbah a Moute of UCLA and Pops Mensah-Bonzu of George Washington. Look, I know they're no Lucious Pusey, but then again, who is?