so long, farewell, auf weidersehen adieu

Well, I am back in the land of sunshine, palm trees, screenwriters, and surfer gals. Yes, after 6 years, I've left the Bay Area to return to where I was born and raised, Los Angeles. Was it an easy decision to leave? Definitely not. I mean, sure there's a few things about the Bay Area I won't miss. Namely...

1. Toll bridges - They suck. Why should I pay money to cross a couple hundred feet of metal? Isn't that where my tax dollars went in the first place, to pay for the cost of these bridges? And we're not talking about a dollar or two, we're talking three bucks for nearly every bridge, no matter how long or short the span. For instance, the Benecia Bridge, which is about as long as Emmanuel Lewis, costs the same as the Yao Ming of bridges, the San Mateo bridge. That makes about as much sense as the last episode of the X-Files. The one exception to the three dollar rule? Well, that would be the Golden Gate Bridge, which costs a ridiculous five bucks to cross. FIVE bucks!


2. Robin Williams - He's just so over the top, his acting is painful to watch. Why is he on this list? Well, he lives in San Francisco, so that's an additional strike right there.


3. Inconsistent drivers - In the Bay Area, you never know if the driver next to you is going to be nice or evil. At least in LA you know they're all evil, so you know what to expect and you react accordingly. SF driving is a crap shoot, and that makes life on the road all the more infuriating.

But overall, though my heart belongs in Los Angeles, there are some things about the Bay Area I'm going to forever remember and miss. For instance:

1. San Francisco is a real, actual city - Unlike Los Angeles, there's one centralized place where people both live AND work. Where I grew up, the concept of people living downtown and commuting into work via public transportation was about as foreign as Jet Li in a hog calling competition. So while I was in SF, I really enjoyed the fact that when I met up with friends from all over the Bay Area, there was no question about where we were going. Everyone was going to meet up in the city. It was akin to saying "wow, the Clippers aren't very good this season" -- it was just a given fact, so why fight it? In LA, everyone lives all over the damn place, so finding somewhere to meet up is always a chore.


2. The artist formerly known as Pac Bell Park - A slight tangent -- I once knew a guy in college named Louis who got in touch with his roots during junior year and from that point on, insisted on being addressed only as Luis. You know what, Louis? Too damn bad. Hey, I'm happy that you are now in tune with your cultural background, but I will never call you by your "new" name. You had me at Louis, my friend. You lost me at Luis. Similarly, I don't want any of this SBC Park nonsense. It's Pac Bell Park. Period. And it is THE most fantastic ballpark I have ever been to. Don't get me wrong, I hate the Giants with every ounce of my being. It doesn't change the fact that their ballpark is SWEEEEEEEET. It's right on the water so you can steer your yacht right to the cove and park that baby so you can catch the game. Ok, so I don't have a yacht, but that's still cool, don't you think? And Pac Bell is sitting on perhaps the only piece of San Francisco that isn't foggy on a constant basis. If you've ever been to San Francisco, you know how rare this actually is. The sight lines are awesome, the ballpark is an architectural wonder, and hell, there's even a friggin slide inside of the Coca-Cola bottle sitting just beyond the outfield wall. Even if there wasn't a game being played, the park would be an awesome place to hang out. You can't say the same about the home of my beloved Dodgers, that's for sure. Dodger Stadium is nice, but it's located in a place called Chavez Ravine. Yes, the park is inside a ravine. I'm not even sure what that is, but it sure doesn't sound like a place I want to be caught inside of, would you?


3. The most random landmarks ever - A bridge touted as golden, but painted bright red. An impenetrable jail set on an island with a gorgeous view of the city skyline. The crookedest damn street in the world. A tower shaped like a fire hose. A really triangular, pointy skyscraper. These are your landmarks, San Francisco. Maybe Whitney Houston finished up an architecture degree while I wasn't looking because whoever created these objects as the biggest testaments to the beauty of San Francisco must have been on crack. But somehow when you take them all together, they really are quite charming. Quirky as hell, sure, but charming. But then again, so was The Bodyguard soundtrack, so who's to say Whitney wasn't involved.


4. Good friends - When I first moved up here, I wasn't sure if I'd really fit in. Perhaps it was because I ended up in the South Bay -- the land of office parks and strip malls -- instead of the city. Take into account the fact that my previous stop was Santa Monica, working just blocks from the beach, and you can see why I didn't quite take to the Bay Area initially. But I ended up meeting so many great friends up here, that I don't regret a second of my Bay Area life. Well, ok, maybe those few seconds where some jerk cut me off on the 237 and caused me to total my car a couple years ago (see "Inconsistent Drivers" above). But other than that, I will definitely miss everyone I've met over the years, and I hope to always keep in touch. If you all need a place to stay while visiting Disneyland or something, you know who to call.

On that sappy note, goodbye San Francisco! You'll always be a big part of my life and I'm going to miss you. Now onto the next chapter...