one giant step for man(ning)...

As a die-hard 49ers fan, I could hardly believe it when I found myself rooting loudly and proudly for the New York football Giants in the Super Bowl this evening. I mean, these are the same Giants that knocked my beloved Niners out of the playoffs in 1990, on a Roger Craig fumble as he was trying to run out the game clock. The Giants went on to defeat the Buffalo Bills, 20-19 in Super Bowl XXV a week later – a victory I always felt rightfully belonged to my Niners.

In my defense, I do live in New York now, so it’s hard not to feel good for a city that I’ve grown to love. And the Giants were near 14-point underdogs going against a humorless, cocky, robotic team known as the New England Patriots. Not only did the Patriots team seem way too confident about their chances, but each and every Patriots fan on the planet was über obnoxious in their support for their team.

Tack on the fact that the Patriots were undefeated going into the Super Bowl and were crushing their opponents and running up the score up to humiliate them, and all I have to say is this: Karma’s a bitch, fellas.

Ding-dong the wicked witch is dead, and three cheers for the most unlikely Cinderella since NC State took out Olajuwon and Drexler in the 1983 NCAA Tourney. Ok, too obscure a reference for the non-sports-initiated reader? How about Marisa Tomei winning an Oscar for My Cousin Vinnie as an equally unlikely underdog victory (seriously… any movie where the phrase “what the hell is a youte” doubles as the best joke in the movie does not deserve a statue).

So go, go, go Giants! Well, at least until next year, when I go back to rooting for my gutty (polite word for crappy) 49ers once training camp starts.

most, but not all

I saw this image on my friend's Yahoo! Messenger status:



And I guess to some extent it's true. But there are exceptions, of course:



See.

oh, hey. thanks for the heartfelt greeting...

When I opened up my email inbox today, I got a very touching holiday greeting. See for yourself:



Isn't that sweet? It's not even from UCLA specifically, which would make some sort of sense. No sir. It's from all ten schools that comprise the Conference of Champions®.

I had no idea that the Pac-10 and I were so tight. This is what the holidays are all about, people! True friends. Heartfelt wishes.

Happy holidays everyone!

i need to see some ID... or not?

I stroll out of my apartment and look down at my watch --- 5:10pm. Right on schedule. I've left myself plenty of time to make my way out to JFK for my 7:05pm flight to sunny Los Angeles. I walk down to the corner of 1st and 1st, you know, the nexus of the universe, and hail a cab.

I hop in, fall asleep somewhere in the midtown tunnel, and before you know it 45 minutes have passed and I'm pulling into the departures area. I pull out my money clip and peel off 55 bucks to hand to the cab driver. I grab my bags and wheel into the terminal. A quick glance shows 5:55pm... yup, still on schedule.

I walk up to grab my boarding pass, reach into my pocket, and... oh crap. I pull out my money clip, my keys, my ipod shuffle, and my Blackberry. I seem to be missing something. I forgot to take my wallet. Great job, me. In a panic, I look down at my watch... 6:08pm. Damn it. A cab ride back to Manhattan and back would be at least an hour and 30 minutes, not to mention an additional $110 in cab fare. I really f-ed this up.

Defeated, I walk up to the counter and ask if there are any later flights to Los Angeles. The guy at the gate says, no this is the last flight to Los Angeles, but I'm here in plenty of time. I explain that I forgot to bring my wallet, and thus have no ID.

"No driver's license?" Nope. "No passport?" Nope. "Nothing?" No. "Oh, well you can still go on the plane." Um... what? "I said, let me print your boarding pass, you can still get on." Did he not hear me? I said I had no ID. "No, I know. They'll just do some extra security measures. Have a great flight!"

Puzzled, I grab my pass and look down at my watch -- 6:18pm, if this doesn't work, I'm defintely not getting into LA tonight. I walk up to the first security guard at the front of the zig zagging ropes leading to the X-ray machines. I hand her my boarding pass. "ID please?" Um, I don't have it. I forgot my wallet but the guy at the ticket counter said you'd be able to do some sort of extra security measures? "No, I don't think we do that." Well, that's what the ticket guy said. "He did? Well, ok. go ahead, you can try it up there." She points me down the line towards the X-ray machine and let's me through. Success at checkpoint #1.

I make my way up to the second set of guards and hand him my boarding pass. "ID please?" I actually don't have ID, I forgot it at home. "You have no driver's license or passport at all?" No, they said I could still get on with extra security measures? "Um... yup. Sure." The security guard turns and grabs a marker and draws two long lines on my boarding pass before handing it back to me. "Ok, you're all set."

I looked across at the metal detector and X-ray machine. Was I just supposed to put my stuff in there like any normal ID carrying citizen? I guess so. I throw my stuff onto the conveyor belt and wait for the guard to wave me through. He does, and I walk through the metal detector. No problem. He looks at my boarding pass, and waves me into a side area. Uh oh. Here it comes. The extra security measures in full force.

A male guard waves me into a small roped off area. He lightly frisks me, and then asks me to point out which stuff was mine on the conveyor belt next to us. I point it out. Another guard grabs it and swabs everything for explosives. No searches through any of my stuff. Just some cotton swabbing on the outside of my bags. No bomb residue detected. Hooray. They then take my boarding pass, stamp it with today's date, and then hand it back to me. "Ok, sir. You're all set."

I look down at my watch -- 6:25pm. Did I really just do this? I just walked through airport security with no ID. None whatsoever. I'm not sure if this made me happy that I got through so easily, or just a bit nervous about the whole situation. In all honesty, a little bit of both.

One more glance and it's 6:35pm. Time to board. I realize I'm just happy to be on the plane, regardless of the circumstances. LA, here I come!

famous and original

I have been living in my New York apartment for just over 3 months now, but somehow I didn't realize that the place I call home is in fact the nexus of the universe. Says who? Well, none other than Kramer himself. Examine, if you will, this exchange from the classic Seinfeld episode, "The Maid":

JERRY: Hello?

COMPUTER VOICE: You have a collect call from--

KRAMER: Hey, buddy, don't say no!

JERRY: I accept.

KRAMER: I went down to Madeline's. I told her, "You gotta move, or it's over."

JERRY: Well, what happened?

Elaine gets up and leaves.

KRAMER: I think it's over. We had a big fight, she threw me out, I started walkin', and now I'm lost downtown! I don't have any money. I don't recognize anybody. I miss home... and I don't even know how to get there.

JERRY: What's around you?

KRAMER: I'm lookin' at Ray's Pizza. You know where that is?

JERRY: Is it Famous Ray's?

KRAMER: No. It's Original Ray's.

JERRY: Famous Original Ray's?

KRAMER: It's just Original, Jerry!

JERRY: Well, what street are you on?

KRAMER: Hey, I'm on first and first. How can the same street intersect with itself? I must be at the nexus of the universe.

JERRY: Just wait there. I'll pick you up, and, Kramer, stay alive no matter what occurs, I will find you!

KRAMER: Aah!

The odd thing is, there is no Ray's Pizza here. Not Original Ray's. Not Famous Ray's. Not Famous Original's Most Famous Ray's. None. There is a Ray's somewhat nearby, about 3 blocks away. But that one's on Ludlow and Houston (and about 2 streets down from that Ray's is yet another Ray's, but I digress).

But those streets are neither funny nor the nexus of the universe. So I guess I'll forgive that geographical transgression just this once.

the halloween rules

It surprises me that every year Halloween comes and goes, and there's still people who don't get the rules. What rules, you may ask? See, you're part of the problem. It's time to get educated, my friend. It's time to learn the Official Rules of Halloween:

• Girls need to dress scandalously: I'm not saying all girls should dress like whores. Not at all. I'm just saying your costume needs to be more scandalous than your normal, every day outfits. Halloween is the one chance per year to let your hair down and go a tad wild. Don't squander it by carrying around a big piece of cardboard and going as a Facebook profile (true story, and also truly difficult to maneuver in).
• Guys need to do more than wear a tuxedo T-shirt: Seriously. That's not good enough.
  
  
  
  
• If you go to a Halloween party, you have to wear a costume: Come on. This is non-negotiable. Why even bother going to a Halloween party if you're not going to dress up? Oh wait, that's right. To gawk at girls who dress scandalously. Well, consider that your fee for the privilege to gawk. It's the least you can do.
• All kids under the age of 5 should be dressed as animals: What's cuter than this:
  
  
  
  Or this:
  
  
  
  I rest my case. Once the kid turns 5, ok, he can be Batman, and she can be a princess. Until then, animals. You'll never have this time back, people. Strike when the iron is hot.
• Candy should be given out based on merit: I had kids last year who came to my house with no costume at all, just screaming for candy. On the flipside, I had other kids ringing my doorbell who had fantastic costumes. Why should they both get the same Snickers bars and Sour Patch Kids? This is America, people. We should award candy based on merit. You come to my door with no costume? Well, you get raisins. That's the rules. Will you throw these on my porch, or at my window out of disgust? Probably. But I'm willing to take that chance, because you don't deserve a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup. You just don't.
• Older kids should still get candy: Provided they qualify under the rules of candy-giving merit above, Older kids should still get a crack at a treat during Halloween. I mainly put this rule in here because I once went trick-or-treating as a college student at UCLA and I have to defend this somehow.
• Candy corn and black licorice are gross: A timeless observation, but nonetheless as true in 2007 as it was in 1907.

Got any other rules that should be added to this list? Comment away!

you know you're a bad parent when...

...Kevin Freakin' Federline is deemed a better adult role model than you. From E! Online:

Kevin Federline will finally get to prove his mettle as Mr. Mom: Britney Spears has, for the time being, lost physical custody of her sons.

Los Angeles Superior Court Commissioner Scott M. Gordon issued an order Monday granting Federline the sole right "to retain physical custody of the minor children." It goes into effect Wednesday at noon, "until further order of the court."

Sources confirm to E! News that Federline already has custody of sons Sean Preston, 2, and Jayden James, 1.

When it rains it pours, huh Brit? At least you can fall back on your awesome stage shows to console you through the lonely night. Oh wait... you can't.

shhh!

From the "sometimes it's better to let sleeping (in heaven or otherwise) dogs lie" files, ladies and gentleman... Stephon Marbury:

Stephon Marbury Defends Michael Vick, Calls Dogfighting a Sport
August 22, 2007

NEW YORK (AP) -- New York Knicks guard Stephon Marbury defended Michael Vick, calling dogfighting a sport and comparing it to hunting.

Marbury spoke Monday about the federal dogfighting conspiracy charges against Vick while promoting his basketball shoe in Albany, N.Y.

"I think it's tough," Marbury said, according to Albany TV station Capital News 9. "I think, you know, we don't say anything about people who shoot deer or shoot other animals. You know, from what I hear, dogfighting is a sport. It's just behind closed doors."

On Monday, Vick said through a lawyer that he will plead guilty to a federal charge of conspiracy to travel in interstate commerce in aid of unlawful activities and conspiracy to sponsor a dog in an animal fighting venture. He also faces possible prosecution in Virginia.

"I think it's tough that we build Michael Vick up and then we break him down," Marbury said. "I think he's one of the superb athletes, and he's a good human being. I just think that he fell into a bad situation."

Just a tip to Stephon... if you want to keep peddling your own low-priced kicks (which is actually quite a noble endeavor), maybe it would be a good idea to steer clear of supporting a "sport" that results in electrocuting, beating, and hanging dogs, not to mention watching them tear each other to pieces.

the surest sign that kids are liars

This AP article only proves one thing... today's youth are not at all honest when taking surveys:

Poll: Family ties key to youth happiness

So you're between the ages of 13 and 24. What makes you happy? A worried, weary parent might imagine the answer to sound something like this: Sex, drugs, a little rock 'n' roll. Maybe some cash, or at least the car keys.

Turns out the real answer is quite different. Spending time with family was the top answer to that open-ended question, according to an extensive survey — more than 100 questions asked of 1,280 people ages 13-24 — conducted by The Associated Press and MTV on the nature of happiness among America's young people.

Next survey -- what types of food do you find most tasty? Celery and carrot sticks, get ready for the shocking responses!

my favorite things...

As seen through the eyes of my camera phone:

My iPod Shuffle



When I first bought this thing back in LA, I thought it would be the perfect thing to use when I went running. Super small and lightweight, with a built in clip so you didn't need to have any pockets to hold it, what more could you ask from a running companion? I forgot one glaring hole in this purchase decision -- I don't like to run. I tried to get into it, but I used the shuffle for running, oh, about zero times. I remember telling a friend of mine it was perhaps one of the dumbest impulse purchases I've ever made in my life.

Well, no longer! Now the iPod Shuffle is my trusty companion nearly every day of my life. It's perfect for drowning out the city traffic noise, and making a mundane subway journey enjoyable. The fact that it can slide into my pocket along with my earbuds means that I can take it literally anywhere... even on a night out on the town.

My Magazines



I subscribe to a lot of magazines. I mean a lot. More than any one person should. This photo only shows a sampling of what I subscribe to. There's about 3 or 4 more not pictured. Again, I'm not kidding. I think magazines appeal to the ADD in me. I can't seem to focus long enough to read an entire book, so magazines provide just the right amount of reading material to hold my withering attention span. I also enjoy reading about a diverse set of random topics, ranging from finance, to pop culture, to start-up businesses, to fitness, to music, to hot actresses named Jessica (Alba or Biel, either will do).

Prior to NYC I'd be lucky to slog through half of my stack per month, but with the time spent on subways and just tooling around the parks to take advantage of being outside, I am actually powering through my magazines with renewed vigor. Yes, I just used the word vigor.

My Gold Adidas Sneaks



These babies are on their last legs and I'm really bummed about it. Purchased from the DSW in Pasadena, these cloth outer soled gold trimmed sneaks have been my constant companion for the past two and a half years. Light enough to stick in a suitcase, comfy enough to walk the streets of NYC, rugged enough to take outdoor hikes in Hawaii, yet stylish enough to get me into the trendiest clubs, I'm going to miss this kicks when I have to part with them. Sigh.

Jaywalking



Oddly, this is one of my favourite things about New York City. I like it so much, that I spelled the word favorite like I was Hugh Grant. A culture built around walking means never having to wait for the light to change. Why let a little thing like a bright red hand stop you when there's no traffic to be seen? Hell, why let a little thing like a bright red hand stop you when there *IS* traffic to be seen? Just take a quick glance, look to see that it's at least clear enough to get you across the street with only a glancing blow from a side mirror, and off you go.

My Blue Threadless T-Shirt with All the Animal Silhouettes On It



There's just something about the sheer simplicity of this shirt that I love. The shirt features the alphabet from A-Z with an animal associated with each letter. My favorite is "N" for norwhal (a whale with a horn, for those who aren't in the know). The bright royal Dodger Blue coloration doesn't hurt. But the Dodgers plummeting out of first and into 4th place in the NL West in the span of two weeks? Yeah, that hurts. Stupid Dodgers.

Vegas, baby... Vegas!



I just happened to have this picture of Vegas on my phone from testing a new feature that I'm building out at work. I also happen to love Vegas. For, oh, about 48 hours max. Any more than that, and Vegas becomes one of my most hated places in the world. If you've never been there, just trust me on this one. Get in. Get out. Don't stay too long. Remember that movie, Gremlins, where those cute little mogwai turn into menacing gremlins if you feed them after midnight? Um, yeah. Same idea.

Hooray for camera phones!